BE SMART

Pound for pound most men are stronger than women, barring any health issues of course. What does this mean? It means you should not play with fire thinking you are invincible. Don’t provoke, tease or encourage a scuffle. If you try to get into a wrestling match with a guy, chances are you will lose. This is NOT going to be a sport match. There is no prize for second place. Now if you get in trouble, get attacked or pass the point of no return (I don’t recommend going to either one of those places, you NEED to do everything in your power to de-escalate or just plain stay out of trouble).
In the words of Peyton Quinn's , here are five Rules about not provoking an attack that will save your life when applied. (thanks for sharing Marc). Memorize them, understand them and USE them!!!!
1) Don't insult him
2) Don't challenge him
3) Don't threaten him
4) Give him a face saving exit
5) Don't deny it is happening

But let’s say the worse happened and Murphy ruled the day. Does this mean you can’t win? Absolutely not!!! If I believed that I would not what I do. You have lots of tools you can use.
• You can run, escape. Stay calm find a way out. A battle not fought is just as good as a battle won. This is not a test of skills or a way to validate your pride. The only thing that matter is that you go home alive and in one piece, physically and mentally.
• You can use surprise. Short intense burst of power can get you a long way.
• You can use good sound biomechanics, good physic is good physic. Can’t argue with it.
• You can use gravity in your favor. Gravity is not just a good idea, it’s a law.
• In the words of a good man “you can use a tool, you are not an ape” (Thanks AGAIN Marc )

Good training is always a plus to help determine what a good course of action is. It will help you recognize a potentially dangerous situation and teach you how to stay out of it, how to de-escalate. It will show good techniques and how to properly deliver good physic into your attacker. I highly recommend seeking good training opportunities and not just assume the one book or blog you have read will turn you into superman.
Good self defense is not about fighting. Fighting is what happens when things go bad. It is about how to use your words, your body language, your attitude, your common sense.

Proper striking method

Punching someone in self defense seems to come as a normal response. Something you see every day on TV. I do not recommend doing so. Even for the trained individual, punches can go bad. You can hurt your wrist, break a finger, your hand. Subtle movement can make you miss your target and let you connect with something much harder and too much for your little hand to handle.
For those who are not trained, an incorrect punch can definitely put you in a bad position and create a serious injury.
There are other options that much safer, better and deliver as much or more power into your attacker:elbows, palm strike, knee strike….
Learn how to use those correctly and deliver enough force to be effective.

fear, worry or anxiety... what'll you have??

Make sure you differentiate “fear” from “worry/ anxiety”

. Worry is fear we manufacture.. Worry is a choice. It’s an over active imagination. “Only that which is absent can be imagined” -Proust

.Anxiety is caused by uncertainty

.Fear is a powerful tool. It is a warning signal that something may happen. It is also the evidence that it has NOT happened yet

BOUNDARIES

You have to possess a clear definition of your boundaries before you can protect them. You have to know where that line is that no one can cross. What does it take for you to stop someone from going too far, from becoming abusive or violent… remember abuse is not just a physical trait, it can be verbal or emotional as well. If you don’t know where that line is, it will come through your demeanor, your voice, your action, your posture. It will send the clear message that “it’s Ok, I won’t take any action, and I won’t defend myself or speak up.”

Compare this to drinking a glass of water. You get thirsty; you grab a clean glass and pour some water then proceed to drink it. If the water spills on the counter, will you lap it off or pour more in your glass instead? If the glass breaks, will you drink the water through the broken shards of glass? If someone pours dirt in your water, will you drink it anyway as to not hurt his feelings? Why not? Because you possess a very clear definition on how you want to drink your water, what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. You would never let someone force you to drink through the broken shards or to swallow the dirty water. Then why would you let someone force you into a relationship you don’t want? Why let someone force you to live through the broken shards of their lives? And yet a lot of women let other decide what the boundaries of their lives should be when this is so much more important a decision than just drinking water.
Decide today what your boundaries are and stick to them . You are worth it

SUMMER EXPERIMENT

In the spring I purchased 2 identical flower baskets from the same nursery. Both subjects were identical. At home, I planted one in a large planter with lots of healthy soil. The other I kept in its original container which was much smaller than the container holding the transplanted one. Both were located in a similar location, receiving the same amount of sunlight. They were both watered equally with the same quantity and quality of water. The only variable were the soil and container.
In the beginning, the one kept in the original container was doing very well. It looked healthy and thriving. The one transplanted, struggled and looked out of place in its large container.
By the end of the summer, the one that had been transplanted flourished and grew into a very large, beautiful and healthy looking plant. It had more than doubled in size. The other one that had stayed in the same container stayed small and even struggled to survive. It was always looking thirsty and wanting more.

How does this translate into life/ training?
It is difficult to “transplant” ourselves into circumstances out of our comfort zone. We feel out of place, we may struggle to maintain our identity. But in the long run we need room to grow and healthy “soil” to nourish our roots. What is the healthy soil?
• Good teachers (the one who had the foresight to transplant)
• Good living habits (the healthy soil)
• Good training habits (water, sunshine)
• Positive outlook, healthy emotional lifestyle
• Good support from family, friends, training partners

You need to have faith that pass the scary stage of being “transplanted” is a better you. If you stay comfortable, making excuses to not make the changes in your life that will allow you to become a stronger, better person, you will end up shriveling up and being curse with always wanting more and never being satisfied with who you are. Take a good look at your container. Is it the best you can do? Easy?? Heck no. Worth it?? Hell yeah

Give yourself a chance to grow.

I get knocked down but I get up again (catchy.. should be a song :-) )

So you got knocked down…. physically or emotionally. There are only 2 courses of action to take at this point.
1. You can go home crying feeling sorry for yourself
2. You can get mad, get back up on your feet and fight back

You can sit there for a few minutes and do feel bad (#1), it’s OK, that’s human nature. But give yourself a time frame to get over it if you need to experience that feeling. The quicker you get back on your feet, the sooner you can prevent getting knocked down again. Much easier to fight on your feet than from the ground

Here are the steps to get back up:
1. Take responsibility for what happened: if you had absolutely NO control over what happens to you, it will rob you of the power to be able to change any of it. While I am not suggesting it was all your fault, you need to acknowledge some form of responsibility for it, not to excuse your attacker, he did what he did out of his own free will, but to give you power over your own life, your own choices.
2. Righteous indignation: “how dare them doing this to me”. Number 1 and 2 might seem at opposite end here but they are not. There is a huge difference between “blame” and “responsibility”. Taking all the blame for something will make you a helpless victim. It will take away any self confidence you may have which in turn will bring about lack of #3
3. Forgive yourself: this is actually the hardest step of them all but it is also the most necessary. Something bad happened to you, take step 1 and 2 then analyze why it happened. Decide what steps you need to take to avoid that situation in the future. By learning from this experience you have now grown into a better person instead of a bitter person. Unforgiveness is the number one health hinderer (mental and physical)
4. Fight back: now you are ready to fight back. Give it all you have and remember…

NEVER give up and never settle into being a victim

It’s not personal, it’s business

It’s not personal, it’s business?? Maybe not entirely true. Everything is personal because our frame of reference comes from our own experiences. We attach emotions to our experiences. Words, sounds, smell can trigger something deep inside of us that we are not even conscious of its existence. This influences our perception of everything we see, hear, think or do. That is the reason why one statement may leave you cold and at the same time totally inflame the person next to you.
Deep at our roots all human beings are selfish creatures. Everything we do is related to us, our individual needs or wants. And these “wants or needs” are influenced by the frame of reference we just discussed. Even when we unselfishly do something for others, a good deed, it still can be a selfish act. You do it because it makes you feel good, because you get something out of it: you get to be happier, to live in a happier world, it’ll make someone like you. Is this bad? Good? It just is. The first requirement for a human being is survival. If we cannot think of our welfare, we cannot survive. We can’t be good to anyone if we are dead. Survival is deeply ingrained into our beings.
This “selfishness” can be present in varying tones and degree in people. So what is the line between “healthy” selfish and “pathogenic” selfish? First I would have to say, do no harm with your actions or words. Next, try to leave the world a better place.

Relating this to self defense, the person that will attack you, wants something. Either something you have (money, car, things, information, etc), something you can give him (sexual release, a sense of “I can do this” in front of his buddies, a sense of accomplishment, validation of his own worth, etc). It not just about the fact that he wants to hurt you, he doesn’t care how you feel or what you think. He cares about what he wants. Knowing what someone wants from you will make “communication” that much easier.