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Monday, February 26, 2018

How important are goals

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I was laid up with a back injury a while back. Literally all I could do was lay in bed, and pray I did not have to get up to go to the bathroom. A person can get dehydrated this way.

My trusty smart phone saved me from total boredom. Netflix, Hulu, books but even that got old. So
I started playing one of those stupid phone games a friend recommended. Those things are addictive.
The game had rounds, and in each rounds I had a goal: to take down so many opponents,
different each time. I don’t play those games often and I got drawn into this one.
It started easy, and progressively got more difficult. I found myself so caught up in making fancy,
flashy moves that were very obvious. But getting caught in that mentality made me lose my rounds.
But come on, who does not want to do that incredible move, take down tons of opponents
(even if they did not really matter at the time), and  overall look and feel cool. Slow learner here
but guess what I was forgetting? Keeping my focus on the goals at hand. So I started making it a
point to not get caught up in the game but to focus on  accomplishing the goal at hand.
Sometimes it meant doing a wimpy move, nothing cool or flashy but it was enough to win me
the round.  I was winning every round this way.

Where am I going with this?  Well  the same thing applies toward self defense.
Many find themrself busy trying to perform a move, a technique they saw done once,
or even one that they are good at doing. Their brain gets locked on doing that thing.
It becomes their goal.  It may work or it may get them killed. You know what has a much higher rate
of success? Defining what your goal truly should be, and doing everything in your power to
accomplish that goal.
If your goal in a self defense situation is not to get out of the interaction alive and in one piece,
then you may want to re-evaluate what you are doing. This is not time for vengeance,
or teaching a lesson.  This is NOT self defense. That is fighting or assaulting.
Now that you have your goal firmly in mind what is the quickest way to get there?
It might just running away…. Yeah not flashy or cool.. But guess what: goal accomplished!  
To determine your course of action always keep in mind Rory’s quote:
  • It is better to avoid than to run
  • better to run than to de-escalate
  • better to de-escalate than to fight
  • better to fight than to die

Choose the easiest method first, then go down the list if things progress, or if you got caught very badly off guard.  
But ALWAYS keep your GOAL in mind: to go home alive!!!
This will actually speed the process of achieving the goal. If you are put on the spot, it is very stressful.
The last thing you need is to start deciding what your goal is. Now you know your goal, your choice of actions
is finite. Choose and act.

Same principle applies to life in general. Do you have goals? Do you keep them in front of you when making
decisions? Or you get side tracked with “flashy” stuff, with empty promises?
Define your goals and ALWAYS KEEP YOUR GOALS IN MIND. It is  difficult to get somewhere if you do not
have  destination in mind

I might play stupid games, but if I learned a life lesson out of it it’s not stupid… right Marc?

Be smart, stay safe.

Saturday, July 30, 2016



2015…..  The year of persecution. Well let’s just say the year when a LOT of people felt persecuted. I am sayin “felt” because most of it was perceived persecution (say that 5  times fast).
People wanted “safe zone”, wanted everyone to be politically correct,  wanted everyone to be nice to everyone, wanted to feel free of type-casting, racism, misogyny, bigotry. They wanted peace on earth. Unfortunately most of them try to achieve this goal, using the same type-casting,  racism, misogyny, bigotry. They did it by being mean, name calling, and finger pointing. We became a society of weenie head, soft and spineless individuals. Things were carried way too far.

2016…. The year of being offensive.  As the pendulum always swings both ways, things were bound to reach the opposite extreme. People started becoming offensive on purpose. Saying and doing hurtful things, and ridiculing the people they so offended. Let’s face it, we ALL have buttons to push, we ALL have things we find offensive, we ALL have lines we will not cross. Being purposely mean to a person or a group will not endear you to them , or change their mind and ideals. The very things you are accusing others of doing, you are doing yourself, being blind to your own actions and choices

So we have identify a problem. Talking about  problem without offering a solution is just whining. I don’t like whiners So here is the solution I came up with.
We are all very tribal. We stand together in groups, family, packs. We stand together, defend each other and support each other. Even if we don’t like a certain individual in the group, we will still defend and protect them. Why? Because we are rallying around a common core, because there is power in numbers. Something we can hold on to when things fall apart, something that makes us strong as a group. And who do we pick on?? From kindergarten to politics, we pick on those outside of our ‘tribe”, those who are different in our eyes.
I have news for you, like it or not you have something in common with  EVERYONE on earth. Might be just one thing, might be a lot of things, might be something trivial, might be something earth shattering.
I challenge you for the next 21 days (it takes 21 days to form a habit), to find something you have in common with EVERYONE you will  interact with during that time period. I guarantee that at times it will be very difficult,  the only thing you might have in common with someone is that you both brush your teeth. But when you find things in common, you will see things with new eyes, you will form new bonds, new tribes. It is difficult to hate someone you have things in common with. Will this bring peace on earth? No. But will it might your life better? Yes. Living with hatred in your heart is poisonous and toxic. There so many things that can occupy your brain and your life beside hatred. Choose  those things. Choose to see the good in people and in things, instead of nitpicking and fault finding.
I did not say trust everyone as this choice is not only stupid but could prove life threatening. But you can still choose to see the beauty in the world. One person CAN make a difference One person can make the world a better place
BE that person !!!!

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Man KO an Elderly Woman for Getting Too Close t...

So much going one here.

First: don't be rude, respect other people's personal space. Show others the common courtesy you want to be shown. In other words, don't be an asshole

Second: NEVER think that no one will hurt you because you are old, small, young, female, handicap, or in anyway a typical person no one SHOULD pick on. Some people just don't care

Third: Assume the best but ALWAYS be prepared for the worse

Fourth: first use your words if you get in an uncomfortable situation. This was NOT self defense. There was plenty of room and time for preclusion. This was an assault

Fifth: don't be an asshole, it's worth repeating

We have all been in both these situations. We are in a hurry, and it seems to take forever. Crowding someone because you feel entitled does nothing but irritate people. There is nothing that young man could do to speed up the process.

We have all been in a situation where we were crowded, shown a lack of respect, or any other perceived wrong. USE YOUR WORDS!!!! One could also resort to chemical warfare (insert disgusting smell), or fake coughing (spreading the plague) if one does not feel comfortable confronting a rude person, for whatever reason (respecting your elders being one).

Pretty much everyone has fantasied about punching someone rude or mean. If you can't control yourself, you can't control others!!! You can't physically hurt someone in response to havng your feelings hurt.

He may have actually killed that woman. She is old, much more fragile and susceptible to injuries.  Was it worth for him to spend the rest of his days in jail? Not counting having to emotionally live with it? Unless he is a die hard narcissist, or psychopath, in which case he does not care (re-read the second point)

Be smart, stay safe!

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Should I stop or should I go

You have a set of firm boundaries established (see previous post on the subject). Someone just crossed them. Now what do you do?  It depends on the severity of the infraction. The punishment has to fit the crime. If someone made an inappropriate comment, you most likely should not hit him on the head repeatedly with a baseball bat. But if someone is trying to kill you, the later might be a proper alternative.  
But once again, I seem to repeat myself a lot on this subject, you need to decide NOW what the range of reactions vs. infractions should be.  If you don’t decide now and wait till you are put on the spot to make a choice you might just freeze or make a totally inappropriate decisions. Depending on the severity of the circumstance, it just may cost you your life. 

When you come to a stop sign, you don’t need to take time to decide what to do. You know you are supposed to stop.  When it starts to rain, you turn on your windshield wipers. Why? Because you already have pre-decided that this is the proper course of action. You don’t have to think “hmmm, let’s see its raining, maybe I should turn on the radio first, to see if it’s going to stop soon.” Or “Let’s see, the light just turned red, I know there is a semi coming across right now but I am not sure if I should stop, I stopped last time. What will people think if I stop again.”. No, you don’t have to decide again because you have already decided what you are going to do.  Same should go for your personal safety.  You should know what course of actions you will take. Of course every situation is different and will require some modifications. But you should have a general plan of action to get you started without having to stop and think, otherwise you are wasting time and sending the wrong message.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Honesty s the best policy

Honesty is the best policy

We have all heard that saying, and I am pretty certain that most of us agree. I am going to come out and say that honesty is also the best self defense.  How does this makes sense??  Bear with me!

To be able to protect yourself, you first have to know yourself.  The following 3 steps could be the most important things you achieve to build your self defense skills. Time for honesty.

Stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself. Truly look at yourself. Honestly look at yourself. This is not about being judgemental. It is about being completely honest. What are your strengths.
  • Are you big and physically strong  
  • Do you have long arms or legs
  • Are you fast
  • Are you small enough to fit through crevasses, and escape easily?  
  • Are you cunning?
  • Are you physically fit
  • Are you able to talk your way out of most situations
  • Do you have martial arts or boxing skills
  • Does it take a lot to rile you up
  • Do you train in self defense
  • Are you athletic
  • Are you intelligent
  • Do you have good listening skills
  • Are you able to recognize when a bad situation has presented itself
  • Do you have a strong self esteem
  • Can you run fast
  • Do you have good  observational skills
  • Do you make it a point to go out in groups or to not frequent dangerous places
  • Are your friends pretty stable, and smart people
  • Do you know what “normal” looks like

Do the same exercise but now look at your downfalls, your flaws. Again this has nothing to do about beating yourself down. It’s about taking an honest, cold look at yourself.
  • Are you of  small stature
  • Are you weak
  • Are you slow
  • Are you injured
  • Are you handicap
  • Do you freeze or panic easily, being incapable of coming out of that state
  • Do you talk too much
  • Are you a smart ass, who loves to say inappropriate things that might get you in trouble
  • Do you have short limbs
  • Are you incapable of recognizing, and describing what  normal behavior is
  • Are you afraid to hurt someone else
  • Is age a factor for you
  • Do you have poor eyesight/ blindness
  • Do you have poor hearing
  • Do you have a brain injury that would make you think a bit slower than the average person
  • Do you have an illness
  • Are you overly shy, unable to make eye contact with people
  • Do you have small children in tow, little people to protect
  • Do you always have your head buried in your phone
  • Do you love to have ear buds and loud music playing all the time
  • Are you always by yourself
  • Are your hands always full
  • Are you a compassionate person (yes it can be a downfall)
  • Do you hang at places where people get their mind altered
  • Do your friends thrive at picking fights or putting themselves in dangerous situations
  • Do you belong to a violent group or organization
  • Do you or did you cheat on your significant other

With all this freshly acquired knowledge, now I want you to look at yourself  using a different pair of eyes. I want you to wear a predator’s eyes. Play the role of the bad guy.
If you wanted  to perpetrate a crime on yourself, what, how, where, why, and with whom would you do it.

  • Would you steal your wallet, your belongings
  • Would you want to hurt yourself
  • Would you want to kidnap yourself
  • Would you wanted to play a “knockout game”
  • Would you want to rape yourself
  • Would you want to hurt yourself (revenge or other motives)
  • Would you want to carjack yourself
  • Would you want to steal or hurt your children

  • Why were you a good victim: small. weak, distracted, alone?
  • Why would you think you could get away perpetrating a crime on yourself

  • Would you wait around an isolated corner
  • Would you wait by the ATM
  • Would you wait into a parking lot
  • Would you break into your home
  • Would you wait outside of a work place
  • Would you wait outside of a bar
  • Would you wait for particular time of the day

  • Would you wait until you are alone or distracted
  • Would you use social skills to get close
  • Would you charm yourself into getting in a stranger’s car
  • Would you stab or shoot
  • Would you drag yourself into a car or a van
  • Would you drag yourself in a dark deserted alley
  • Would you threatened your children to get you to listen, and obey
  • Would you knock yourself out
  • Would you bully yourself
  • Would you play the role of a lost or hurt person needing help
  • Would you blitz yourself

With whom:
  • Would you do it by yourself
  • Would you have a partner in crime
  • Would you have an entire gang to back you up
  • Would you use a dog

I want you to have an answer to all those questions.

I am not going to lie, this part is somewhat creepy. But it is a powerful tool.
Now shake it off and let’s travel down the last leg of this game. Knowing what you know about your weaknesses, your strengths, and the predator’s point of view, what steps do you have to take next?

First you need to improve the weaknesses that can be improved upon. You cannot make yourself taller or younger obviously, but a lot of those other points can be helped along.
  • You can eliminate most of the “stupid” out all the things you do: talk on the phone in public, head buried in  book or phone, wearing ear buds, always distracted, not paying attention, not following your gut feeling, etc
  • You can seek good training, good conditioning
  • You can become the strongest you can be,
  • You can learn to make your attacker weaker
  • You can make sure to go out with a group,
  • You can avoid “bad places”
  • You can learn new skills that will help.
  • You can acquire new knowledge
  • You can learn to observe
  • You can stop denying that bad things can, and do happen
  • You can get new friends (yes it MIGHT the very thing you need)

A predator will always have the upper hand….. if you let him. It is his job to stay safe. So he will stack everything he “knows” about you in his favor. He will most likely be stronger, faster, use surprise and violence of action, use the terrain and the surroundings in his favor. You need to be ahead of the curve to prevent his success, or even his attempts. Knowledge is your best weapon. Start with knowledge of yourself.

You can also keep honing your already acquired skills, and current strengths. One can never be too strong, too skilled, too smart.

And most importantly,now that you know what predators see in you (they know your weaknesses, trust me it’s their job to know), you can head them off at the pass:
  • Avoid the locations where you would have kidnapped or attacked yourself
  • When you see someone using the tactics you would have used on yourself, it immediately should raise a red flag, and you should act accordingly. No hesitation!!! Run, escape, scream for help, and as a last resort fight your way out. But always go home alive.
  • Learn to trust your gut feeling, and to express in words what that gut feeling was. “That guy gives me the creep because he won’t take no for an answer”. I cannot stress how important it is to be capable of verbalizing your choices and decisions.
  • Learn to play your strengths, and hide your weaknesses

Mostly seek the help of a knowledgeable person who can help you becoming the best “YOU” you can be.

PS: if you have a difficult time being honest with yourself, ask the help of a trusted friend.

Be honest, be smart, stay safe.