Internet Safety

CRIME PREVENTION “TIP OF THE WEEK”

Internet Safety

Set aside time to explore the Internet with your children. If your child has some computer
experience, let them lead the way. Teach your children about exploitation, pornography, hate
literature, excessive violence, and other issues that concern you, so they know how to respond if
they see this material, however innocently. Also remind children to let you know immediately if they
find something scary or threatening on the Internet. If your child receives threatening e-mail or
pornographic materials, save the material and contact local law enforcement.

Ideas to Consider:
Teach children NOT to give out identifying information such as: name, passwords, parent’s
name, home address, school name, and telephone number.
Know the Internet services your child is using.
Never allow your child to meet face-to-face with someone they met on the Internet without
your permission and without a parent going with them.
Keep your computer in an area where there is adult supervision, as in the kitchen or family
room, NOT in their bedroom.
Keep the computer time limited to only a short time daily or weekly.
Children should never be allowed to enter an area that charges for services without parent
permission.
If your child uses the public library computer, know their Internet access policy.
If a child’s friend has Internet access, know what their family rules are for Internet use.
Children should NOT be allowed to send pictures of themselves or family via the Internet without parental permission.

Stress response difference between men and women

I am writing this not as to create an excuse but a solution. This blog comes mostly out of my own observations and frustrations. The choices are to keep going on, feeling “abnormal” or finding a solution to make things work. I am NOT a victim and I will never become one. Not understanding the cause of an issue and trying to deal with it is like painting over rust, it’s only a band aid solution. Understanding the cause of the issue, on the other hand, will help determine the course of action required to come up with an answer.

There are ALWAYS exceptions to everything, but I have found that the following findings apply to the majority of the people. And as a side note, I will post all the reference material and the studies used in this blog at the end, making it a bit easier to read.

Response to trauma can be different depending on the stressor while being stuck in traffic is frustrating and stressful, it does not compare to losing a loved one or to being attacked at gun point.
Response to stress will also vary between genders; this is the part that I want to focus on mainly. For the sake of this blog I will refer to “stressors” as something that is life or safety threatening.
As different as the stressors can be, they will produce a similar physiological reaction every time, the severity of the response is probably what will differ in most instances. The underlying physiological stress response comprises three main mechanisms: autonomic nervous system, hormonal system, and immune response system. At this time I will focus mainly on the hormonal system.

For decades, psychological research maintained that both men and women rely on fight or flight to cope with stress - meaning that when confronted by stress, individuals either react with aggressive behavior, such as verbal conflict and more drastic actions, or withdraw from the stressful situation. Thus the fight or flight appropriate name.
Until government grant policies changed in 1995, women were largely excluded in stress research because many researchers believed that monthly fluctuations in hormones created stress responses that varied too widely to be considered statistically valid.  (UCLA, 2000, May 22).Researchers are now beginning to realize that men and women use different coping mechanisms when dealing with stress.

Men tend to respond to stress with a fight and flight response. When a stressor is applied, it will stimulate sensory nerve cells to pass the perception of a threat, or stress to the hypothalamus in the brain. Neurosecretory cells in the hypothalamus transmit a signal to the pituitary gland inciting cells there to release a chemical messenger into the bloodstream. Simultaneously, the hypothalamus transmits a nerve signal down the spinal cord. Both the chemical messenger and nerve impulse will travel to the same destination, the adrenal glands.  Sitting atop the kidneys, the adrenal glands receive nerve and chemical signals initiated by cells in the hypothalamus. Nerve signals activate the release of epinephrine and cortisol into the bloodstream. This results in an increase in blood pressure, increase in blood sugar levels, and suppression of the immune system. This reaction will supply  a boost of readily available energy for muscles throughout the body, priming them for exertion. In the lungs, epinephrine binds to receptors on smooth muscle cells wrapped around the bronchioles. This causes the muscles to relax, dilating the bronchioles and allowing more oxygen into the blood. At the sino-atrial node of the heart, epinephrine stimulates pace maker cells to beat faster. This increases the rate at which other chemical signals, glucose and oxygen are circulated to the cells that need them. Epinephrine also contracts specific types of muscle cells below the surface of the skin, causing beads of perspiration and raised hairs at the surface.

Oxytocin is a nine amino acid peptide which is involved in a wide variety of physiological and pathological functions. Two varieties are release in the body: through the blood and directly in the brain. Both have different functions. Oxytocin’s prime function with female, is to activate uterus contractions during birth and initiate lactation. It also promotes bonding between mother and offspring. Males synthesize oxytocin in the same regions of the hypothalamus as in females, and also within the testes and perhaps other reproductive tissues. Pulses of oxytocin can be detected during ejaculation. Current evidence suggests that oxytocin is involved in facilitating sperm transport within the male reproductive system, It may also have effects on some aspects of male sexual behavior.
Oxytocin is also known as the “love” hormone. A handful of new studies show that oxytocin makes us more sympathetic, supportive and open with our feelings. Oxytocin was also correlated with the longevity of a relationship.  It boosts trust and empathy. Oxytocin is secreted from the hypothalamus during cuddling and physical intimacy, and increased levels of oxytocin have been shown to stimulate sexual activity in humans. It also increases skin sensitivity to touch and thus encourages or facilitates affectionate behavior.
Oxytocin is also release from the pituitary when stressors are present. It is a built in mechanism to counter all the negative conditions stress can bring on, a safety valve if you will. Studies in lab animals have shown that oxytocin administration tends to decrease the physiological and psychological aspect of stress, and the activation of the HPA axis reflex (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis).

                                                                    OT = Oxytocin


Oxytocin has been shown to calm rats and humans both alike, making them less anxious and more social.
Male hormones (androgens) seem to reduce the effect of oxytocin, thus allowing for more aggressivity. The female hormone estrogen amplifies the oxytocin and thus all its effects. The UCLA team's research findings regarding those hormonal influences, were based on analysis of hundreds of biological and behavioral studies of response to stress by thousands of human and animal subjects.

Female have been found to produce more oxytocin than males. Like I previously stated, oxytocin respond differently when present with estrogen versus testosterone. This is actually very logical. With all the known effects of oxytocin, who can possible need this more than a woman in labor. Going through the stress of labor, yes gentlemen it IS extremely stressful, if a woman did not have the calming effect and instead experienced the “fight or flight syndrome’, what would happen? Would she just try to run away from the pain and stress? Would she do something drastic to relieve the pain? I remember the birth of my first child. I was told that at the peak of the contractions I actually said “hey, I changed my mind, I really don’t want to have a baby. Can we stop this now?” It was a fleeting thought that seemed logical at the time. Thinking back on it, I know the release of oxytocin kept me going. And I am so very grateful. The moment I held my beautiful son in my arms, I was quoted as having said “I want another one, just as perfect as this one”. Now who in their right mind would want to go from doing anything they can to avoid that awful pain, to wanting to go through it all over again. I’d say someone high on oxytocin.
The female combination of oxytocin and estrogen produces a “tend and befriend” response as opposed to the “fight and flight” approach of the male. A lot of women will actually try to make a connection or at least have a polite response to their attacker. If you don’t believe it, read the following excerpt from Debra Ann Davis:
“I’m 25 years old. I’m alone in my apartment. I hear a knock. I open the door and see a face I don’t know. The man scares me, I don’t know why. My first impulse is to shut the door. But I stop myself:  You can’t do something like that. It’s rude.

I don’t invite him in, but suddenly he is pushing the door and stepping inside. I don’t want him to come in; he hasn’t waited to be invited. I push the door to close it, but I don’t push very hard; I keep remembering that it’s not polite to slam a door in someone’s face.

He is inside. He slams the door shut himself and pushes me against the wall. My judgment:  He is very rude. I make this conscious decision:  Since he is being rude, it is okay for me to be rude back. I reach for the doorknob; I want to open the door and shove him outside and then slam the door in his face, rude or not, I don’t care now. But, frankly, I don’t push him aside with much determination. I’ve made the mental choice to be rude, but I haven’t been able to muster the physical bluntness the act requires.

Or, maybe I realize the game is lost already. He is stronger than I am, I assume, as men have always been stronger. I have no real chance of pushing him aside. No real chance of it unless I’m very angry. And I’m not very angry. I’m a little bit angry.

But, despite the fact that I didn’t shove with much force, he is angry at me. I know why:  It’s because I’ve been rude to him. He is insulted. I am a bit ashamed.

We fall into our roles quite easily, two people who have never met each other, two people raised in the same culture, a man and a woman. As it turns out, a rapist and his victim.”

This could possibly explain the Stockholm syndrome. The victim and kidnapper are trapped with no way out for her; her only connection to a social life is the kidnapper, he is putting her through a situation where he could easily kill or hurt her but he “generously” spares her life. She feels a tie; she feels she owes him something.

This difference in seeking social support during stressful periods is the principal way men and women differ in their response to stress, and one of the most basic differences in men's and women's behavior.
For an example in the different behavioral response to stress watch the following video of a prank. A prank can be a good scare and definitely will produce a typical stress response. Notice that most women will either freeze,  run to their friend, try to go back and touch the chair, and one woman even go back and hug him (tend or befriend). Most men either take off and turn around at some distance as to prepare to defend themselves, or just plain run away (fight or flight).

                                                 Human Chair Prank


Again, is this a 100% stereotypical response experienced across the board? No, nothing ever is. There are always exceptions.I know plenty of women that are very aggressive and plenty of men who react in an opposite manner to which we would expect. There are also a lot of male and female whose hormonal level is imbalanced. Female can have too much testosterone and male can have too much estrogen. We learned earlier how the level of those two hormones will affect the body’s reaction. I don’t believe there has ever been an actual study done on this subject but I know for a fact (as a primary health care physician) that hormonal level can be very much unblanced.

I also know plenty of people who have major anger issues. Responding out of anger is a completely different can of worm. Acting like bitch does not mean you were assertive.

This blog is not about excusing women for who they are and treating them differently. If you train women in the sport aspect of martial art, do them a favor and treat them the same as you do your male students.
But if you are training women for just self-defense you HAVE to take in consideration their response to violence. If you try to teach them to respond in a manner that goes in every way against their nature, you are training them to get hurt. Use what they have to their benefit.

The best way to prepare women to defend themselves is to teach them what violence is, how predators think. If they are able to recognize this for what it truly is, they will be able to respond in a manner that will save their lives instead of getting them killed. They can be ahead of the curve.
Another thing that needs to be done is the training under stress, under pressure, the reality scenarios (properly done). Those are also invaluable tools in a woman’s self-protection arsenal.

                                Be smart, stay safe!



                                                                   Bibliography

• CNS Neuroscience & Therapeutic: Oxytocin: Crossing the Bridge between Basic Science and Pharmacotherapy, October 2010
• UCLA, Biobehavioral Pattern Used by Women to Manage Stress, Science Daily May 22, 2000
• PNAS, Testosterone Decreases Trust, June1, 2010
• Marmara Pharmaceutical Journal 14: 61-66, 2010, Oxytocin and hypothalamo-pituitary-adrenal axis
• Oxford Journals Medecine. Human Reproduction Update, Volume 12, issue 4, p:437-448
• Oxytocin Effects on Human Affect and Cognition, Thesis by Allison Elizabeth Gaffey, Graduate Program in Psychology, Notre Dame, Indiana, July 2012
• APA, A New Stress Paradign for Women, Monitor Staff, July 2000, Vol. 31, #7 page 42
• Scientific American, February 12, 2013. By Lucianna Gravotta. Oxytocin May Help Build Long Lasting Love
• The Franklin Institute, Resource for Science Learning, 2004, The Human Brain
• Frontiers in Neuroendocrinology, Volume 25, Issues 3-4, September-December 2004, Pages 132-149. The Hypothaamic-neurohypophysial system regulates the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axix: An Old Concept Revisited
• The journal of NeuroScience, February 2011, CorticoTropin Releasing Factor in the Hipppocampus by Christpher Stern

Blaming the victim

I am not quite done writing my blog but this is a Great blog from Marc MacYoung.... go read and learn

Blaming the victim

Blog review

First I would like to thank all of those who have taken time to read my blog and sharing it on their own forum. And another thanks for further taking time to comment. I appreciate everything I have read, the open mindedness and criticisms alike. I always welcome good honest critique, it’s a great way to grow.
I think the major criticism I received was that there were no scientific backup to my statements included in the blog. This was done purposely. If I had listed every study done this would have been a book instead of a blog. I wanted to get to the point. But the request is more than fair and valid. So I decided that over the next few weeks I will address those explanations, using one blog per topic.  Grin and bear as I have a very busy life and it might take me some time.

This blog has been many years in the making. And yes, it is bias as is everything we do.
But the points have indeed scientific background research: some personal research and some research done by other medical facilities.

I have 55 years’ experience as a woman and 32 years’ experience as a doctor. I have raised 4 kids, 2 of them daughters. I have treated, counseled and taught women for years. There are a lot of personal observations added to the research. I have taken years of classes with the best there is out there (Kasey Keckeisen, Rory Miller, Marc MacYoung, Steven Jimmerfield to name a few). I have also consulted with experts in this field. I have bounced this blog through their brains before publishing, adding their experiences and personal observations to mine.

Are there errors or mistakes in it? It’s possible. No one is perfect. And I certainly don’t claim having all the answers.  But I feel pretty darn confident about this one. This is not a blog I just woke up one morning and popped it out of my arse. I did as much leg work, research and experimentation as I could. The desire to write this blog came from seeing appalling things taught to women, things that would get them killed if they ever used them. My whole purpose is to enable women to do what they do best and not to try and mimic a man that is twice their size and half their age, or to learn techniques geared specifically toward young healthy athletic women. Other women deserve the right to know how to defend themselves. Let’s face, they are probably the ones who will need it most. They need to be able to rely on factual information regarding violence and have some “go to” moves that will get them out of a jam.

I am not trying to makeup excuses, I am just trying to understand how things works. I am also not trying to make women better than men or men better than women. We ARE different.

So stay tuned for the next chapter.

Women VS Men: difference in self-defense approach

Are men and women all that different? Do they defend themselves differently? Should they be taught differently? If so, why and how? Should they be taught by a man or a woman? Age old questions. If you are teaching or planning to teach women self-defense, or if you are planning on attending such a class, do yourself a favor and read on. It’s a bit long but definitely worth your while.

I have been blessed with a male instructor possessing an incredibly open mind. He was willing to put himself in someone else shoes, even though he has never been a small woman before. Because something worked for him as a big tough guy, he did not assume it will work for someone else, smaller, weaker, with a different mindset. He was not going to try to fit a square peg in a round hole. I learned much from him, and I think him from me as well.

Still this has become a fixation for me to find out why and how we are different, and the best way to adapt and work with what I have. I attend classes that are very male dominated and I can see how different our responses are. Sometimes it gets frustrating to not be able to react the same way, they do. It looks so simple after all. The biggest hurdles I personally have encountered are: the fear of being overpowered and not reacting in a timely fashion, and showing too much compassion.

Is it physical, mental, emotional, genetic??

First of all, here are some of the physical differences I have found:

·              Men are over 30% stronger than women, specifically in the upper body. A woman who is the same size and same age as her male counterpart is generally only 80 percent as strong.

·              Differences in intake and delivery of oxygen translate into some aspects of performance: when a man is jogging at about 50% of his capacity, a woman will need to work at over 70% of her capacity to keep up with him. Age difference will alter those numbers.

·              Women's blood contains more water (20 percent fewer red cells). Since red cells supply oxygen to the body, she tires more easily and is more prone to faint.

·              Female lung capacity is about 30 percent less than in males

·              Females have better connectivity between the two hemispheres of the brain. Females are also able to transfer information between the hemispheres at a higher rate than males.

·              Men have better distance vision and depth perception, and usually better vision in lighted environments. Women have better night vision

·              The center of gravity is slightly lower in women than in men because women tend to be proportionally larger in the pelvis and smaller in the shoulders.

·              Men and women throw and punch differently. Women throw with their arms, a movement that looks like they're tossing darts, while men use their entire bodies, rotating their hips and shoulders separately. Women can’t generate equal power and velocity, because they rotate their bodies in one piece. 

·              So this basically means that pound for pound, men will have the advantage in speed, strength and power.

Here are some other differences (emotional, mental)

·              Men typically have stronger spatial abilities, or being able to mentally represent a shape and its dynamics, whereas women typically struggle in this area

·              Men love to generate solutions.  Women enjoy sharing the exploration of relevant concerns. 

·              Men and women perceive the world differently. Males’ moral judgments tend to be governed by abstract principles of justice, duty, and fairness that apply to all people and situations. Females’ moral judgments give more weight to specific relationships between people and extenuating circumstances in a given situation; moral judgments are made through subjective feelings (e.g., whether someone feels betrayed or harmed) rather than abstract principles.

·              Men tend to respond to heavy frustration with anger while women’s first response might be tears.

·              Women are better able to call upon both hemispheres and assess a situation correctly and quickly without knowing how or why they arrived at their assessment. Men can make the same assessments, but it takes them longer.  However, their assessment is explainable, logical, and can be traced step-by-step to its logical conclusion.

·              Men and women response to stress and adrenaline release is different. Men spike faster, have a short plateau and come down fairly rapidly. Women will take a longer period of time to spike and will plateau much longer than men. In short, it takes women longer to get mad but they stay mad much longer. Here is a typical example: husband comes home and notices some shopping bags still unpacked. Since they were supposed to be saving every penny for a new car, he gets upset. He may start screaming about his wife lack of discipline and why she has to spend all this money. He never bothered to ask, he just assumed. She bought birthday presents for his mother that he had asked her to get last week.  She can’t believe he forgot. She can’t believe he is yelling at her for it. She is trying to explain it to him but can’t get a word in over his yelling. By now she is starting to get upset that he did not trust her. She clams up. He slams the door and leaves to go for a walk. During his walk he calms down and comes home 10 minutes later to apologize. By then she is furious and screaming at him. Two hours later she is still furious at him. She is thinking about returning the presents and let him look foolish in front of his mother. Oh don’t let it fool you, she is planning something. Sounds familiar to any of you?  They both have a different adrenalization curve. We start at the same point and we end up at the same point but take different paths to get there.

                                                    

And this shows that men and women inherently think and act differently. Even if we come up to the same conclusions, we got there through different methods. Men and women think, act and solve problems differently.

We first need to know and understand the differences before we can come up with an answer on how to make the proper adjustments.

Men tend to have a "fight or flight" response to stress situations while women seem to approach these situations with a "tend and befriend" strategy. This is attributed to years of the males being the provider, the hunter, while the females were the gatherers, the ones who took care of the family. There is a physical explanation to this which makes more sense to me. Under stress the body will produce specific hormones. Three of them play a crucial role: cortisol, epinephrine, and oxytocin. Men will produce a much smaller amount of oxytocin than women. And even if the amount of oxytocin were the same in both gender, the oxytocin mixed with estrogen (predominant in females) increases greatly its effects.  Oxytocin is a hormone released by the pituitary gland (notably during orgasm, childbirth and stress) – it is known to affect our behavior (referred to as the “love hormone”). It stimulates the uterus to contract during child birth and promotes lactation; this is why it is so important for women. It also promotes bonding, typically between mother and child. It further encourages comforting, re-assuring, be-friending, love, touching, affection, all emotions a mother needs to have toward her child, and a wife toward her husband. Tending involves nurturing activities designed to protect the self and offspring that promote safety and reduce distress; befriending is the creation and maintenance of social networks that may aid in this process. We are social beings; we are designed to function in groups to survive. Women have been conditioned through the years to think that they need a man’s strength to be able to survive. This is where be-friending comes in handy.  Making allies if you will.

In the male, oxytocin also produces bonding but it is countered with testosterone and vasopressin, which promotes aggression, territorial competition and dominance with other males. Thus the “fight and flight” more than the “tend and be-friend”. This explains why through the years, females have been the nucleus of the family while the man is the head and protector of the said family.

But for all its positive benefits, high oxytocin level inhibits cognitive ability by impairing learning and memory, which is not a good place for a female to be in when she is facing a life and death situation. But the impairing of the memory comes in handy after childbirth when the mother first hold her child and has already totally forgotten all the pain she suffered to bring it in to the world.

The physical effects of those hormones are why a woman will do nothing to protect herself from a rapist because she is afraid to insult him (read Betrayed by an Angel by Debra Anne Davis). The oxytocin having kicked in, we feel the need to take care of this person, to bond with him in some way; surely he needs to be comforted, re-assured. And it would not be very comforting of us to be rude to him, to hurt him. The hormonal release also hinders our rational thinking.

But the same woman will tear you to shred if you try to attack her child, the bond she has with her child is stronger than her personal feelings or safety. The oxytocin released will create a state of mind that is used to protect her child, her loved ones, not herself. The same hormonal release when geared toward her is supposed to bring bonding, love, and closeness. The main reason for the difference is that when violence is threatened against her child, the threat has suddenly become a member of a different “tribe”, he is not a human being in our eyes anymore. He is an animal trying to hurt someone you love. It is easy to hunt and take down a different specie. Compassion will prevent us from doing so to someone we see as belonging to the same group as we do, sort of a family member if you will. Remember how women make moral judgments through subjective feelings?

The effects of the oxytocin also explain why women under stress plateau slower than men.

The question is how to get a woman to switch from a sheep to a tigress, at the right time. How do you overcome the power of hormones and years of conditioned response..

I loved watching the TV show by Joss Wheadon, “Dollhouse”. Great show, so it was of course canceled. During one of the episode ( Man on the Street), the bad guys had planted hypnotized sleeper agents. Those agents were normal people, having day to day normal relationships. When the organization needed them to commit an assassination, they would call the agent and tell them a simple phrase “There are three flowers in a vase, the third one is green”. The agent would then instantly turn into a lethal killing machine. To return them to their sleeper state they would simply tell them “There are three flowers in a vase, the third one is yellow.” Brilliant!  This is what women need, to be able to turn on their killer instinct that quickly when the need arises. But how does one achieve this? We are fighting powerful hormones to actually prevent us to do so. The “tending” part only happens when we are protecting our children, our loved ones.

Here is my theory on some different options on how to achieve this, most of them have been tested through trials and errors:

1.           Women need to have enough training under stress so they can reach a point where the stress level does not affect them nearly as much, a point where they can overcome the freeze. Just think about the first time you tried something new and scary, could be as simple as the first time you tried riding a bike without training wheels. You were nervous, shaking, sweating, your heart rate was up… basically you were going into adrenaline dump. The more you got use to it, the less stressful it became. Now you could do it in your sleep. I don’t know if I can ever become accustomed to violent confrontations or if I even want to, but I can become accustomed to dealing with stressful situations. The more you are used to or comfortable with a situation, the less hormones your body will need to release to get you through it. It is hard to fight hormones but you can try preventing them from being released.

Having a martial art background, this is something I noticed early on. I might have been very proficient at doing a specific technique but when formal testing time came around, I would freeze, forget everything. My current instructor changed my views on this. If I can’t perform a technique to save my life during a test, where I am amongst friends that care about me, what am I going to do out in the world against someone who does not care about my welfare. Good point. So training under the stress of pleasing my instructor became just as valuable as being put on my arse if I am doing things wrong. Doing live scenarios has also been a huge help as well. Let me re-phrase this, doing scenarios WELL have been  a huge help.

2.           Women can learn a new trigger response to the hormonal release. When you feel the adrenaline dump happening, if the other person causing that dump does not have an intimate relationship with you (spouse, child, close friend, parent), you need to hear in your head “Three flowers in a vase, the third one is green” and react appropriately. This is done by good conditioning. This is just an example. You need to develop a trigger that makes sense for you and that you will be able to use to achieve similar results. A trigger that gives you permission to cause damage to another person when the need arises.

3.           Find a “go to” response/technique (I do not like using the word technique because you can never be married to a technique but you can adopt a basic common sense approach that is principle based). It has to be something that you feel comfortable doing, something that works for the majority of situations needing hands on self-defense. Drill that response until it becomes second nature. Practice makes permanent.

4.           Since protecting a child will trigger our killer instincts, another option would be to imagine a child is strapped in a pack on our back when we have to deal with stressful situation. Thus it all becomes about getting our baby out of there safely. The mama bear will show her claws. Visualization is a very powerful tool. But again you have to adapt what works for you.

5.           Since testosterone makes a big difference on how men and women acts and reacts, there are ways to boost the production of testosterone in women

·         Add more quality protein to your diet

·         Add more good quality fats to your diet

·         Workout on a regular basis: strength training, especially compound exercises (movements that require more than 1 joint and more than 1 muscle group) are a must. The more the muscle mass, the more the production of testosterone.

·         Sprinting and interval training have shown to increase testosterone levels

·         Avoid long distance cardio

·         Limit your intake of alcohol. It may make you feel stronger and tougher but trust me, they are illusions. Plus it may put you at risk.

·         Have sex at least once per week (with your spouse of course)

·         Add vitamin C to your diet. Vitamin C helps reduce the enzyme naturally produced by your body that converts testosterone into estrogen.

·         Add zinc, magnesium and vitamin B6 supplements to your diet. These three powerful vitamins and minerals promote testosterone production and increase your immune system response, muscle building capacity and mental alertness.

6.           Women need to understand the difference between social and asocial violence. They need to recognize the pre-attack indicators of asocial violence, and use them as a green light. They not only need to understand them in theory but to practice them as drills. This was huge for me. I am older and getting slower every day, as most people do. We all reach a peak then a slow decline in our physical prowess. It does not mean we cannot train to be the best we can be every day. And being smarter and better conditioned makes up for being slower. Learning the pre-attack indicators is one thing, but using drills to ingrain them is even better. It taught me to see things I did not see before. So instead of being faster I could just be ahead of the curve by being able to know what could happen next.

7.           Women need to have confidence in their training. They need to know they can rely on what they have learned because it WILL work. The first time we throw a punch or kick, or even shove someone, it is usually done in a halfhearted manner. We need to know what works and what does not work. Punching a guy in the arm or any areas where there is a large amount of muscle mass will do nothing, except maybe annoy him or trigger him into retaliation. Using good biomechanics to control his spine and/or center of gravity will work. Remember that you will most likely be attacked by a predator. If what you are using to defend yourself would not work on an animal predator (lion, bear, wolf) it will not work on a human predator. You can’t just slap a wolf on the shoulder and think he will go away.

There is no bigger disservice to women than a man teaching them ineffectual strikes or techniques against a larger, stronger opponents while screaming at the top of his lungs “You go girl, you are now empowered, you know how to use your anger.”  I am not knocking using your anger, when done in the proper manner. But putting your anger on steroids will not make you stronger or more capable of defending yourself. Harder and faster does not equate better. Using smart and dependable skills, has a much higher rate of getting you home safely. This is a skill I definitely had to learn. I always thought I could “hide” my lack of strength by going faster. Hey, if it works for Bruce Lee, it’s got to be good right? Wrong. Bruce Lee is doing fast AND correctly.  I was able to achieve this by countless repetitions of doing it achingly slow. How many of you had to do a presentation in high school? You had 2 minutes to talk about a specific subject. You wrote it down, went home to rehearse it in front of a mirror… 2 minutes… perfect. You are now standing in front of the whole class, stress is kicking in and you give the same presentation in 45 seconds. You said all the words, you did not miss a thing, but you did it on high speed. Under stress you will be able to do faster what you have practiced at a slower pace. But if you practice it wrong, you will just do it wrong faster. Hence why the achingly slow practice worked well for me. When the stress factor kicked in, I was able to unconsciously do it fast and right. Now there’s that  power I need.

I was always frustrated practicing against stronger opponents. If their lack of skills was showing, they could just muscle through it; use their strength to get what they wanted. That never worked for me since I was always outweigh. This forced me to do it right every time or to end up on my arse. As frustrating as this seemed at the time, it was a huge help in the end. It forced me to have good conditioning. I experienced this a few weeks ago. I used to train with this gentleman who is easily 3 times my size, no exaggeration. He used to be able to throw me down and hold me with just his body weight. Beyond frustrating for me! I had not seen him in a few years when 2 weeks ago he showed up for training. I was not only easily able to take him down; I literally bounced him off the mat. I was actually surprised. I should not have been, after all this works!

8.           Since we are weaker and with less physical stamina, we have to worker smarter, not harder. We need to give ourselves permission to fight dirty if the need arise. If someone attacks us with intents to hurt, rape or kill, he has made a choice to forego his own safety. We do not need to worry about hurting him or insulting him. He has already chosen pain. You are worth it, give yourself permission to get righteously angry and fight. You don’t need to be or stay in the role of the prey. You can become the predator.

9.           Women have to be taught to not disregard their “intuition”, which is nothing more than being able to analyze things with both hemispheres of the brain. It’s not a mystical power. We have to trust this instinct and use it when our life is in danger, even if we cannot explain it at the time. This is one of nature’s strongest survival tool, use it! A good training in violence dynamics will let us be capable of explaining the “whys” after the fact, after you are home safe and sound. Unless you are a “bad person” you will make the right choice using your intuition. 
Under stress, especially the stress of being attacked, your cognitive mind slows down as other parts of your brain take over. Your survival depends on how you have programmed yourself to react under stress. An attacker will be faster, stronger (as we have previously seen) and will take you by surprise. 
The following points are what you need to use to explain your justification of having needed to use the amount of force you did.  You are not only justified in using a higher amount of force, you will need to use a high level of force to survive an attack.

• Inability to disengage
• Proximity to weapon
• Injury or exhaustion
• Hazardous environment
• Special knowledge
• Surprise
• Ground level
• Skill
• Size
• Strength
• Numbers
• Mental state
• Gender
• Sometimes age
• Physical or mental disability

10.       Which brings us to articulation.  Articulation is the ability to explain why you did what you did and why any other options would have been a bad choice. You need to practice this as much as your physical skills. This is something that was very difficult for me in the beginning. But there are exercises and drills you can use to become proficient with this skill. Yes, articulation is a skill, which means you can learn it. With proficiency comes competence and with competence comes confidence. When you know in your heart AND in your mind that you are doing the right thing, it will prevent the “freeze” so many people experience. It will make you react much faster. And being good at articulation will avoid any ugly entanglements with the law.

11.        The types of violence used against women are very much different than the violence perpetrated against men. Women need to understand what they are most likely to face out in the world.  You cannot get a women ready to defend herself against a bar brawl that will probably never happen to her. Waste of time on both of your parts. What most men in this country have to worry about is social violence, social dominance games. The skills you need to avoid or overcome such violence are very much different than the skills you need to survive asocial violence.    Asocial violence is the most likely type of violence used against women. I am not bringing up domestic abuse because this is a different can of worms.

Asocial violence is the type of violence where the threat does not see the victim as a person but rather a resource (a different species to be hunted). He wants something from you: your money, your purse, your car or just the enjoyment of a violent act. Either way this is never going to be a fair fight; he will take every advantage he has to get what he wants. The first thing he will want is privacy to do his dirty deeds.

Since the type of violence we experience as women is different than what men go through, teaching women to use the skill set to survive social violence during an asocial violence occurence might get them killed or seriously hurt. Let’s have the right tools for the right job.

12.       This point might seem strange but women should not be afraid to join a training that may cause pain or close physical contacts. Remember the first time you were struck, punched, slapped,  pushed around? I guarantee this makes the majority of people freeze, if not everyone. The first time you get screamed/ cussed at by a stranger, it is scary. The first time you get shoved down on the ground, it will take a while to readjust and orient yourself. The first time you are stuck in a corner with nowhere to go but through the huge guy blocking your path, you will freeze or babble like an idiot that you need to go home and make supper for your kids, or use ineffectual strikes. Do you want all those first time to be out in the world done by strangers who mean to hurt you? It is much easier to live through those in a training facility against people you trust. Embarrassing? Maybe but you can survive embarrassment. You can make a mistake in a gym/dojo and have a safe do-over. It’s possible you may have a bump or a bruise but those will heal fast. You don’t get a do-over out in the real world. You can’t just erase a rape or a knife wound.

Practicing with a good partner/ teacher, you will come to understand what an effective strike or technique is. If you just randomly punch or kick with no specific intent, you may succeed and you may fail. You need to know the difference. You need to understand that your intent is to disable the attacker, not to inflict pain, not to vent your frustrations with strikes, not to serve justice. Once the attacker is disabled and you are out of danger. Call the police and let them handle the dispensation of justice.

As scary as it may seem, you will become inoculated to this kind of stress after a while. And when a man with evil intent hits you or pushes you around, you can look at him without blinking and say “Gee, my friends hit me harder than this.”… OK please never say that if you are attacked but you can have the attitude of confidence that would go along with those words without saying them. That attitude of confidence alone might be a deterrent to an attack. NEVER provoke a crazy or desperate person. And never ever tell them “What are you going to do, shoot me?” Don’t make them lose face.

It seems to all boil down to proper education, good training and conditioning.

Before you decide to teach women self-defense, you need to ask yourselves if you are trying to pass on the social fighting skills you have learned through experiences and/or training, or if you are ready to teach them what they actually need to know to survive. Are you just gratifying your own ego or are you sincerely trying to help. Take time to understand where your students are coming from before you just assume you know everything about their situation. Listen to their fears and their concerns.

Self defense class for high school girls
Here is a typical example of teaching ineffectual strikes. I am not doing this to put anyone down, it's not my style. But at the same time it is a good visual of what I have been explaining.

I personally think the perfect teacher for WSD is a combination of a man and a woman. Both need to impart their knowledge, their skill and their experiences. Men can really help us learn how men think, how they will act and react. Women understand how other women think and feel. They can demonstrate them that this will work for them thus imparting the confidence that women need to have in their own skills and training.

Be smart, stay safe and help keep others safe.

Never assume!!!

In the paraphrased words of Rory "Never assume your surroundings are safe. Make them safe."

In a location you have not secured or cannot for certain guarantee its safety, you should always be on alert. Pay attention to what is around you. Be aware of potential hazards or dangers. Do not put yourself i a precarious situation. Always have a plan of escape.
Never assume that because you mean no harm that others will feel the same way you do.

I don't know what happened to this photographer but one thing I am sure of, is that mama gorilla is not happy about someone paying so much attention to her babies.

Be smart, stay safe.

Surviving an ambush: Edged weapons defense

LEARNING GOALS Students will display the ability to recover form ambush attacks and regain the initiative. Students will understand when the use of lethal force is justified and have the skill sets necessary to end violent confrontations efficiently with or without weapons. SPECIFIC PERFORMANCE OBJECTIVES Students will be able to: • Demonstrate basic understanding of how human anatomy can be exploited to end violent confrontations. • Demonstrate skill protecting themselves against lethal threats • Understands what victim profiles they may fit • Recognize where / when they are most at risk • Recognize the conditions necessary to launch an ambush • Protect themselves from violent attack by mitigating those conditions • Understand the physical and psychological factors involved in high stress human performance • Develop conditioned responses to sudden violence • Follow up with tactics and techniques to quickly end the confrontation • Prevail in violent close quarters confrontations • Students will demonstrate knowledge of use of force law • Students will be able to scale force as appropriate and articulate the justification for the level of force they used to resolve a conflict Training Topics include: • How to increase the probability of survival when assaulted by someone with a knife. • How knives are actually used in the streets • How commonly taught reactions actually make his attack MORE effective (How your training can get you killed) • Priorities in a lethal force situation • Why going for your gun may cause you to receive too much damage to actually use your gun Training Time Line 1pm – 3:30pm 150 Minutes Total Don’t get stabbed drill (Tanto Dori Randori) 10 Min Discussion: Introduction to edged weapons training 10 Min Counter Ambush Fundamentals 15 Min Counter Ambush Drills 10 Min Counter Ambush Transitions 15 Min Discussion: Priorities in a lethal force situation 10 Min Neck Control 10 Min Vascular Restraints 10 Min Directed Impact Take Downs 10 Min Counter Ambush Follow Up 15 Min Discussion: How knives are actually used 10 Min How knives are actually used – application 25 Min EQUIPMENT NEEDED Lose comfortable clothing - No gis / something that closely simulates what you normally wear and you can train in Training Weapons - If you routinely carry weapons on you, bring their training equivalents Seminar fee = $25 This training is provided free to Military members and Law Enforcement. This is also free to Taiho Jutsu Minnesota Dojos / members