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Sunday, March 27, 2011


While good body mechanic, good structure may look like magic it is not. It is pure efficiency at its best. We use the PLOW (Power Load Offbalance Wedge) and the unbendable arm. Both look and feel like you are doing next to nothing but both are very sound and efficient structures. Let’s look at them from a biomechanical point of view .

When your arm is in this position (see image above) with a tight fist, the biceps and the brachioradialis are mostly involved, leaving the triceps relaxed. The tighter your fist, the tighter your bicep.

Now when the muscles are used this way, it makes flexion of your arm easier, that’s the purpose. Guess what else this creates, it turns your strong arm into a hinged door since the only way your arm can go is into a flexion.

Now all you need is someone strong enough, or to not back up your arm by good structure, and everything will collapse…. like a saloon door kicked open. You are fighting strength for strength with your opponent. Your biceps against his. Not smart

When your arm is laid as such (see image below) and your hand is facing up, open and relaxed you are using equally all the muscles in your arm, creating an overall balance. Now instead of a hinged door you have a wall. When you back up this wall by good body structure aka keeping your arm in front of you, using your entire body as back up, and you have an even sturdier wall able to keep up with your opponent’s strength. Now it’s his biceps against your entire body.

You need to back up that strong unbendable arm with your entire body by standing behind it (see the second figure) . Wherever your belly button faces is where your energy, your power will be directed.

Look at the following image ( I am not trying to throw anyone under the bus here, just trying to learn what works best). Her arm is blocking one way , her body is facing another. The only strength she has is her arm strength. And we can see how it is collapsing. Plus she is staying right in front of him, leaving herself open for a left arm strike or a kick. She is wasting a lot of energy.

If you are using your body this way instead (see following image) by backing up your arm, you just added 100 and some pounds behind that arm. Notice how the belly button is lined up with the arm. Much stronger. This is very difficult for an attacker to recover from and do a proper strike or take down.

Let’s face it, you most likely will not get attacked by someone weaker than yourself and none of us are getting younger, faster or stronger. We need to use smarts and good body mechanics. Use all your tools in the most efficient manner possible.

The test of a good block is in the results. If it worked, you done good. Blocking with your face is always a bad idea. Trust me

Be smart, stay safe.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Father and daughter

Like we talked about in a previous post, a good father- daughter relationship, dads giving their daughters the proper tools they need to go in the world, will satisfy 90% of their self defense needs


The father-daughter relationship is like none other you will ever know. It is one of the most special bonds in the world. It is extremely important to your daughter that there is a good father-daughter relationship. Fathers play a huge role in the way their daughters look at the world and everything in it. Parents are the role models that children will watch and copy when they grow up. That is why a good father-daughter relationship is so important

Fathers should make their best effort to spend time alone with their daughters.

Go out on dates, play with your daughters. Special time alone with your daughter is very important. You will build a much stronger relationship this way. You are building bonds, memories together. Sharing laughter and experiences are the best investment you can make.

· "Dad respects me". A daughter's relationship with her father is usually her first male-female relationship. From Dad, little girls gain their first reflection of themselves as a female. They develop a sense of acceptance or non-acceptance; they feel valued or discounted. Self-respect is initially based upon respect received from others. Their self-concept as a female person is largely shaped by this early relationship.

· "It is safe to be affectionate with Dad". Daughters need to be able to relax, be affectionate, and know that they are safe with certain males. They need to be regarded as people, not sexual objects. When little girls develop modesty and learn that they have a right to privacy, they develop a healthy sense of boundaries. They learn how to say "no", which will be an essential interpersonal skill as they become more social.

· "Men and women can negotiate fairly". Father-daughter relationships are an important place to learn how to negotiate fairly and compromise appropriately. When fathers exercise absolute authority, and rigidly set rules, daughters quickly learn to rebel. If a father is overly-critical and all-powerful, men become the enemy. If a father is fair and listens to his daughter's thoughts, she will gain self-confidence and pride in her own opinion.

· "Women can be assertive without being aggressive". When daughters learn to communicate with their fathers, and trust that their opinion will count, they can develop self-assuredness which will allow them to be assertive and stand up for themselves. This is very different from aggressive reactions which stem from a sense of powerlessness and combativeness. It is important for dads to listen to their daughters and appreciate their views, even if they don't agree. When we listen to our children, they are more apt to listen to us and trust us

· "What to expect from a male-female relationship". Daughters learn about marriage from watching Mom and Dad. If parents treat each other well, this becomes her expectation. If Dad is a tyrant, then men are regarded as essentially bad. If Dad is alcoholic or abusive, men are considered to be people who are allowed to get out of control and be hurtful. She will learn things that parents do such as co-operating, responsibility, sharing, compromising, and mutual respecting each other. This will affect her view on relationships.

The unconscious conclusion is…. “If dad treats me well, I am a worthwhile individual. If dad rejects me or criticizes me, I am no good”:

When a father takes his responsibility as a guide to his daughter’s future, knowing fully well that this will have an impact on his daughter's life he becomes a co participant in creating a better future for his daughter.

Dads, don’t miss out. She will be grown and gone before you know it.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Rights VS Freedom


This is a totally and completely horrific incident. It made me ill reading about it. Those young men should be beaten to a bloody pulp and slowly dipped in a pool of hungry sharks, one body part at a time while we are filming it and laughing at them.

It’s a tragedy this crime ever occurred. Nothing can undo it. However lessons can be learned by daughters and parents alike to help prevent similar tragedies from ever happening.

No one deserves to be beaten, raped, abused, picked on, bullied or robbed (personal property OR dignity). And here is the age old question. Should women have the right to walk around naked without fear of getting raped? Should you have the right to jog by yourself in Central Park late at night without getting attacked? Should you have the right to get drunk without fearing you will get abused or molested or raped?

Before we keep going, let’s get a few definitions straight so we are all on the same page.

Natural Rights: are rights which are derived from nature. They are universal; that is, they apply to all people, and do not derive from the laws of any specific society. They exist necessarily, inhere in every individual, and can't be taken away

Legal rights: in contrast, are based on a society's customs, laws, statutes or actions by legislatures

Responsibility: Something for which one is responsible, liable to be called on to answer; a duty, obligation, or burden.

Social responsibility: The idea that businesses and individuals should not function amorally, but instead should contribute to the welfare of their communities, physically, morally, ethically and/or legally

Freedom: the power to exercise choice and to determine one’s actions without restraint. It requires responsibility to be accountable for the “free” choices you have made. The more freedom you have, the more responsibilities become yours.

Priviledge: is an honor, or permissive activity granted by another person or even a government. A privilege is not a right and in some cases can be revoked.

. Ability: Acquired or natural capacity, competence, dexterity, proficiency, talent, etc., that enables an individual to perform a particular act, job, or task successfully.

Example: The pursuit of happiness is a right. It is made easier to attain with the freedom provided to you by this country. But it is your responsibility to go get it. And it is your social responsibility to let others pursue theirs if it is physically, morally, ethically and legally possible.

So now let’s review the above age old question. Does a woman have the right to walk naked in a biker’s bar? NO. It’s neither a natural nor a legal right. In fact it may get you arrested for indecent exposure. And in some countries, it will get you stoned to death. Does she have the freedom or the ability to do so? Absolutely. Remember that with freedom comes a responsibility.

We are blessed to have freedom of speech and expression in our country. And every day I thank my daughter, and every Military and Law Enforcement personnel for that privilege.

Unfortunately there is a lot of sick, demented and twisted people out there. They could not care less what your rights, freedom or their social responsibilities are.

They see something they want, they can get it without getting hurt, and they take it. No moral compass. Is it right? I don’t think so but it is a fact. There are a lot things that are not fair.

Do you have the freedom to be covered in blood and go swimming in shark infested water without getting torn to pieces? Absolutely. Is it going to happen? Probably not. Because the sharks have the freedom to eat you if they find you.

If you take the responsibility to find out first IF there are sharks in this areas, IF you have any blood on you, IF maybe there is a safer area to go swimming in, then the odds are you will not get killed or mangled by those sharks. There are consequences for all the choices you make. You are responsible for your choices. You have responsibilities attached to your freedom.

Now see that I used the word “responsibility” and not “blame”. No one deserves to be blamed for these kinds of vicious attacks. Blaming yourself will only destroy you emotionally. And “blamers” and “finger pointers” should be stoned. We blame others so we can be right about our choices. Nobody wants to be wrong. Blaming others gives us an appearance of control. Blame is a word invented by beaurocracy to perpetrate myths and cripple people enough so that they become dependent. The opposite of being blamed is being a complete victim.. This will also destroy you. If you have absolutely no control over what happens to you, you will live in fear for the rest of your days. And I do realize that handing over the control can also be an escape for a lot of people. Avoidance of responsibilities is an easy way out. But if you can learn from something that went very wrong, then you can alter future courses and prevent this from ever happening again. And you can help others avoid the same type of situation. Take charge of your own life; don’t leave those decisions to someone else!!! There is such a tremendous power in owning up to your responsibilities.

Young girls you need to understand how men think. Young men get aroused looking at a plastic mannequin, that’s a fact. How much more will they get aroused when you give them something to gawk at. While a “normal healthy man” will not act on this, a sick and twisted one just might. Young ladies, having privacy with your male friend is a rite of passage but just understand that when you sit on his bed, however innocently this might have been in your mind, you just told him you want to have sex with him. When you acknowledge his flirting with a coy smile, you just told him you are game. When you let him touch you inappropriately without correcting him or putting him in his place, you just told him you have NO boundaries. You need to understand this and start speaking the same language. And you need to put your thoughts into clear concise words so you are in one accord on their meaning.

Parents, you need to teach your daughters this. Men and women think very much differently. Most of them are too young to understand that fact. What they consider “innocent” behavior might just send the wrong message. You can let your daughter play with fire and take her to the Burn Center after she gets badly burned or you can teach her not to play with fire because she just may get permanent injury out of it. “But mom, we are just having fun. Nobody is getting hurt.”…… not yet maybe.

Dad, spend some quality time with your daughters!!! Teach them to have self esteem, to know they deserve respect, to not be afraid to stand for themselves, to understand how men think and just to love them and be there for them. This will cover 90% of their self defense needs. For the rest of their lives they will relate to men in the way you have taught them to relate, this is done by example, time and effort. In my next blog I will expand on this topic. Don’t miss.

According to Criminal Victimizations, 2009, victims knew the offenders in about 70% of violent crimes against women. This means that 7 out of 10 women getting raped are abused by someone they know. This tells me that we need to educate our daughters better!!!

Of course this is not a blanket statement. There are cases where nothing could have been done to prevent it. Take a 5 year old girl that is being molested by a family member, there is nothing she could have possibly done different outside of being born in a different family and that’s impossible. But we can protect so many other young girls and women by educating them properly.

How do you recognize you are facing a potentially dangerous situation?

You need 3 things to have a crime: intent, means and opportunity. Take one side of the triangle away and it will collapse. (I will elaborate more on this topic in the future)

Intent: pretty much what it says. He has the intent to hurt you, rape you

Means: he is capable of hurting you. ie: he is a bigger stronger guy, there are multiple attackers, he has a weapon.

Opportunity: again pretty self explanatory. If he is calling you on the phone to tell you what he wants to do but is nowhere near you, he does not have the opportunity.

Now add to this equation:

Preclusion: means all venues of escapes are gone. You are trapped

And you have a perfect recipe for disaster.

. Predators don’t always look like crazy people that want to kill you. But one thing that should ring all the warning bells in your brain is if they are trying to isolate you, separate you from your crowd. They can do this in a lot of different ways, from cajoling to threatening you. If they lure you into their crowd by yourself, you are in for a world of trouble. They want privacy to do their dirty deeds. NEVER give it to them.

Going back to this young girl who was raped, I know this is not what she wanted or asked for or even dreamed of. Three young men called her and asked her to go party with them in a location she had been to before. I am pretty sure those boys never held a bible study at that location in the past. Since she had been there before she should have been aware of this fact. (and comes to mind the question of why had she been there before in the first place? Mom and dad do you know where your kids are? Where they go to hang out?). This should have set off warning bells. She wanted to feel older and needed and loved (possible daddy issues). She just wanted to have fun, what could it hurt. She was not fully aware that she was walking into a den of hungry wolves, or she chose to ignore her gut feeling, or both. Should they have raped her for it? Abso-freaking-lutely not!!!! NO should have been the end of it. But a gathering of young intoxicated men works exactly like a shark feeding frenzy. They just won’t stop until they are satiated or there is nothing to feed upon. And if going for a swim in the middle of something that looks like the following image would not be a smart, responsible or reasonable thing to do, neither would be mingling with a bunch of young, chemically unbalanced irresponsible young men.

They are totally and completely socially irresponsible. They should suffer the consequences of their actions. There are no excuses for their behavior. Boys, grow up!!!

Do you think if she had first been made aware of this that she would have still voluntary gotten into their car?? I sure hope not.

And looking back at what we need to have a crime, they had definitely the intent and the means. She gave them the opportunity and the means to preclude when she got into their car. They isolated her. They brought her to a place where they could do what they wanted without any witnesses.

Now we can close our eyes and pretend the danger signs were not there but the truth is they were. I am guessing there were a lot of other issues as well. Or we can learn to protect our daughters better. Give them ALL the tools they need to go out in the world. It would be impossible to control all the deranged crazy people out there. But you can have a small measure of control in your home, with your family. Don’t pretend the harshness of life does not exist. You don’t have to scare them out, but give their knowledge a solid foundation. And knowing is half the battle.

For further reference on how to avoid rape, please read this following blog….. fantastic information from one of the best expert out in the field


Be smart, stay safe

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Real men don't holla.... sick ones do... and real girls and women have enough self respect to stand up to this kind of behavior. Those girls rock!!! They are assertive and they are not picking fights with the offender. They are letting him know they are NOT an easy target. Taking the license plate number is much more effective than punching him in the nose or getting to close to him in his car.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Worth dying for?

First, go read this short article:


Tragic: Lana Rosas was knocked unconscious and fell to the ground after an alleged altercation with Oscar Fuller over a parking space in New York's East Village

So many things wrong with this entire situation. One woman in a coma, one man in jail. Let’s not completely waste all the damage that has happened here, let’s learn from their mistakes.

First you can clearly see two people stuck in their monkey brain (if you don’t know what that is, read “Monkey Braining”). Both are very emotional, both want to be right. Bad start. Tempers fly, bad mood escalate. This usually ends up with a shove, a push, an overhand loop unless someone comes and breaks them apart or one of them back away. Sometimes things get worse and end up very poorly. This is one of them.

Here we have a small woman thinking she could take on the world because she was right. She had been saving that spot, she had taken her time to save an already too hard to come by parking spot for her boyfriend. She earned it, she deserved to keep it. This young man comes along, sees the vacant spot and only a tiny woman standing in his way. He wants it. He figures there are no cars parked in it; first come, first serve. He comes out and tries to bully the woman into moving out. But no, she is tough and doesn’t take any crap, she stands her ground. When things get ugly she hits him. He hits back.

Technically here she assaulted him. It’s not self defense if he is only fighting with words and threats. She did not have to hit to defend herself, she could have walked away. He may have had intent, means and opportunity but there was no preclusion. Granted it would have been extremely frustrating and upsetting, the only thing damaged at that point would have been her feelings. Being right means very little when you are dead. And like Marc MacYoung so vividly describes it, you can’t use a self defense argument by saying “It started when he hit me back”

He gets hit and he reacts. How many people train to defend themselves with punches and kicks. Guess what, when the caca hits the fan that is how you are going to react. You will not take time to think, you will do what you have done hundreds of times before. You hit back. You never rise to the level of your expectations, you ALWAYS fall to the level of your training. Only this time it happened to be someone half his size. The punch threw her up in the air and she landed poorly and hit her head (learning how to fall properly could have possibly saved her here). Instant brain swelling, coma.

I don’t think that parking spot was worth her being in a coma, do you?

This is another reason why I never advocate “being a bitch” as a legitimate self defense technique. Being assertive is a totally different story. Being a bitch means you are emotional, you are most likely stuck in your monkey brain. You will have a very limited scope of perception. Being assertive (bold or confident) is different. You are still in control. And you will know when you are about to lose control of the situation and take the appropriate steps, hopefully they will be steps walking away from the whole thing. Am I advocating walking away from every argument? No. But are your life, health, and well being worth the price? Sometimes being the “bigger” person IS winning an argument. If nothing else, make a game of it. Take a tip from Sheldon (Big Bang Theory)


If your life is truly in danger then you do need to unleash the fury but it’s hard to make that decision when you are stuck in your money brain. If you are not so preoccupied at screaming how right you are, you may have time to see a punch coming in your direction, if it ever gets to that level.

This is why I advocate threat assessment before anything else.

Be smart, stay safe

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Don't get outsmarted by your Smart Phone

You would not put your address online now would you? And you certainly would not let your kids put information that's too personal. But when you post photos taken with your phone, especially Smart Phones you are doing just that. The photos come attached with their specific GPS coordinates and thus the specific location where they were taken. There are ways to remove the info. If you do not know how just don't post the pics or start taking photos with a camera that has no GPS system.
Watch the short video I posted to give good information on the subject.
Be smart, stay safe!!!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Know thyself

“Know thyself means this, that you get acquainted with what you know, and what you can do.”

This is a very important part of self defense. Know your strengths and your weaknesses or your attacker will have an advantage over you.

I guarantee your attacker is looking for your weakness and when he finds them he will have a way to get to you.

We talked about looking for weaknesses in your surroundings, places where you could be attacked, ambushed.

Now look for things in you that someone could take advantage of.

If you are aware of those you will be able to see if someone is trying to take advantage of you. Give yourself an honest assessment. Look at yourself in the mirror with critical eyes. If you are having a difficult time doing this, ask a good friend to help you.

· What are you capable to do physically (size, age, physical abilities, injuries)

· What are you willing to do, this can be very different than what you are able to do

· Do you leave your purse unattended

· Do you walk around engrossed in a phone conversation or with headphones on

· Do you flash expensive things/ money around

· Do you have “buttons” to push that are easy to see

· Do you give away too much information to stranger or casual acquaintances

· Are you predictable

· Do you leave your front door unlocked

· Do you get intoxicated in public places

· Do you walk in dangerous places late at night all by yourself

· Do you have a Superman syndrome, think you are indestructible

· Do you deny bad things can happen

When you find your weaknesses either make sure you correct them or that no one is able to use them against you.

Be smart, stay safe!!!