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Monday, March 14, 2011

Rights VS Freedom


This is a totally and completely horrific incident. It made me ill reading about it. Those young men should be beaten to a bloody pulp and slowly dipped in a pool of hungry sharks, one body part at a time while we are filming it and laughing at them.

It’s a tragedy this crime ever occurred. Nothing can undo it. However lessons can be learned by daughters and parents alike to help prevent similar tragedies from ever happening.

No one deserves to be beaten, raped, abused, picked on, bullied or robbed (personal property OR dignity). And here is the age old question. Should women have the right to walk around naked without fear of getting raped? Should you have the right to jog by yourself in Central Park late at night without getting attacked? Should you have the right to get drunk without fearing you will get abused or molested or raped?

Before we keep going, let’s get a few definitions straight so we are all on the same page.

Natural Rights: are rights which are derived from nature. They are universal; that is, they apply to all people, and do not derive from the laws of any specific society. They exist necessarily, inhere in every individual, and can't be taken away

Legal rights: in contrast, are based on a society's customs, laws, statutes or actions by legislatures

Responsibility: Something for which one is responsible, liable to be called on to answer; a duty, obligation, or burden.

Social responsibility: The idea that businesses and individuals should not function amorally, but instead should contribute to the welfare of their communities, physically, morally, ethically and/or legally

Freedom: the power to exercise choice and to determine one’s actions without restraint. It requires responsibility to be accountable for the “free” choices you have made. The more freedom you have, the more responsibilities become yours.

Priviledge: is an honor, or permissive activity granted by another person or even a government. A privilege is not a right and in some cases can be revoked.

. Ability: Acquired or natural capacity, competence, dexterity, proficiency, talent, etc., that enables an individual to perform a particular act, job, or task successfully.

Example: The pursuit of happiness is a right. It is made easier to attain with the freedom provided to you by this country. But it is your responsibility to go get it. And it is your social responsibility to let others pursue theirs if it is physically, morally, ethically and legally possible.

So now let’s review the above age old question. Does a woman have the right to walk naked in a biker’s bar? NO. It’s neither a natural nor a legal right. In fact it may get you arrested for indecent exposure. And in some countries, it will get you stoned to death. Does she have the freedom or the ability to do so? Absolutely. Remember that with freedom comes a responsibility.

We are blessed to have freedom of speech and expression in our country. And every day I thank my daughter, and every Military and Law Enforcement personnel for that privilege.

Unfortunately there is a lot of sick, demented and twisted people out there. They could not care less what your rights, freedom or their social responsibilities are.

They see something they want, they can get it without getting hurt, and they take it. No moral compass. Is it right? I don’t think so but it is a fact. There are a lot things that are not fair.

Do you have the freedom to be covered in blood and go swimming in shark infested water without getting torn to pieces? Absolutely. Is it going to happen? Probably not. Because the sharks have the freedom to eat you if they find you.

If you take the responsibility to find out first IF there are sharks in this areas, IF you have any blood on you, IF maybe there is a safer area to go swimming in, then the odds are you will not get killed or mangled by those sharks. There are consequences for all the choices you make. You are responsible for your choices. You have responsibilities attached to your freedom.

Now see that I used the word “responsibility” and not “blame”. No one deserves to be blamed for these kinds of vicious attacks. Blaming yourself will only destroy you emotionally. And “blamers” and “finger pointers” should be stoned. We blame others so we can be right about our choices. Nobody wants to be wrong. Blaming others gives us an appearance of control. Blame is a word invented by beaurocracy to perpetrate myths and cripple people enough so that they become dependent. The opposite of being blamed is being a complete victim.. This will also destroy you. If you have absolutely no control over what happens to you, you will live in fear for the rest of your days. And I do realize that handing over the control can also be an escape for a lot of people. Avoidance of responsibilities is an easy way out. But if you can learn from something that went very wrong, then you can alter future courses and prevent this from ever happening again. And you can help others avoid the same type of situation. Take charge of your own life; don’t leave those decisions to someone else!!! There is such a tremendous power in owning up to your responsibilities.

Young girls you need to understand how men think. Young men get aroused looking at a plastic mannequin, that’s a fact. How much more will they get aroused when you give them something to gawk at. While a “normal healthy man” will not act on this, a sick and twisted one just might. Young ladies, having privacy with your male friend is a rite of passage but just understand that when you sit on his bed, however innocently this might have been in your mind, you just told him you want to have sex with him. When you acknowledge his flirting with a coy smile, you just told him you are game. When you let him touch you inappropriately without correcting him or putting him in his place, you just told him you have NO boundaries. You need to understand this and start speaking the same language. And you need to put your thoughts into clear concise words so you are in one accord on their meaning.

Parents, you need to teach your daughters this. Men and women think very much differently. Most of them are too young to understand that fact. What they consider “innocent” behavior might just send the wrong message. You can let your daughter play with fire and take her to the Burn Center after she gets badly burned or you can teach her not to play with fire because she just may get permanent injury out of it. “But mom, we are just having fun. Nobody is getting hurt.”…… not yet maybe.

Dad, spend some quality time with your daughters!!! Teach them to have self esteem, to know they deserve respect, to not be afraid to stand for themselves, to understand how men think and just to love them and be there for them. This will cover 90% of their self defense needs. For the rest of their lives they will relate to men in the way you have taught them to relate, this is done by example, time and effort. In my next blog I will expand on this topic. Don’t miss.

According to Criminal Victimizations, 2009, victims knew the offenders in about 70% of violent crimes against women. This means that 7 out of 10 women getting raped are abused by someone they know. This tells me that we need to educate our daughters better!!!

Of course this is not a blanket statement. There are cases where nothing could have been done to prevent it. Take a 5 year old girl that is being molested by a family member, there is nothing she could have possibly done different outside of being born in a different family and that’s impossible. But we can protect so many other young girls and women by educating them properly.

How do you recognize you are facing a potentially dangerous situation?

You need 3 things to have a crime: intent, means and opportunity. Take one side of the triangle away and it will collapse. (I will elaborate more on this topic in the future)

Intent: pretty much what it says. He has the intent to hurt you, rape you

Means: he is capable of hurting you. ie: he is a bigger stronger guy, there are multiple attackers, he has a weapon.

Opportunity: again pretty self explanatory. If he is calling you on the phone to tell you what he wants to do but is nowhere near you, he does not have the opportunity.

Now add to this equation:

Preclusion: means all venues of escapes are gone. You are trapped

And you have a perfect recipe for disaster.

. Predators don’t always look like crazy people that want to kill you. But one thing that should ring all the warning bells in your brain is if they are trying to isolate you, separate you from your crowd. They can do this in a lot of different ways, from cajoling to threatening you. If they lure you into their crowd by yourself, you are in for a world of trouble. They want privacy to do their dirty deeds. NEVER give it to them.

Going back to this young girl who was raped, I know this is not what she wanted or asked for or even dreamed of. Three young men called her and asked her to go party with them in a location she had been to before. I am pretty sure those boys never held a bible study at that location in the past. Since she had been there before she should have been aware of this fact. (and comes to mind the question of why had she been there before in the first place? Mom and dad do you know where your kids are? Where they go to hang out?). This should have set off warning bells. She wanted to feel older and needed and loved (possible daddy issues). She just wanted to have fun, what could it hurt. She was not fully aware that she was walking into a den of hungry wolves, or she chose to ignore her gut feeling, or both. Should they have raped her for it? Abso-freaking-lutely not!!!! NO should have been the end of it. But a gathering of young intoxicated men works exactly like a shark feeding frenzy. They just won’t stop until they are satiated or there is nothing to feed upon. And if going for a swim in the middle of something that looks like the following image would not be a smart, responsible or reasonable thing to do, neither would be mingling with a bunch of young, chemically unbalanced irresponsible young men.

They are totally and completely socially irresponsible. They should suffer the consequences of their actions. There are no excuses for their behavior. Boys, grow up!!!

Do you think if she had first been made aware of this that she would have still voluntary gotten into their car?? I sure hope not.

And looking back at what we need to have a crime, they had definitely the intent and the means. She gave them the opportunity and the means to preclude when she got into their car. They isolated her. They brought her to a place where they could do what they wanted without any witnesses.

Now we can close our eyes and pretend the danger signs were not there but the truth is they were. I am guessing there were a lot of other issues as well. Or we can learn to protect our daughters better. Give them ALL the tools they need to go out in the world. It would be impossible to control all the deranged crazy people out there. But you can have a small measure of control in your home, with your family. Don’t pretend the harshness of life does not exist. You don’t have to scare them out, but give their knowledge a solid foundation. And knowing is half the battle.

For further reference on how to avoid rape, please read this following blog….. fantastic information from one of the best expert out in the field


Be smart, stay safe

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