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Tuesday, June 28, 2011


There are a lot of talk and teachings regarding women’s self defense telling us that to be strong, we are supposed to act like a “bitch”. I even had some people telling me to act like I am on PMS. Supposedly this is going to make me more aggressive, more violent and great at self defense.

It is going to repel anyone from wanting to attack me coz I look like someone you don’t want to mess with.

Since men are usually more aggressive and stronger, the general consensus is that they should be better at defending themselves. If women were more like men and they would become better at defending themselves right?

When it comes down to it, a lot of men create the “self defense” situations they find themselves “stuck in”… how helpful is that to your safety!?! Emulating social dominance monkey dance bullshit violence that men face is night and day different than the type of violence most women face, and the furthest thing from proper self defense. Why train to act like something/ someone you will never be. Instead learn to use what you have and make it better, the best it can be. Embrace who you are, the good, the bad, the strength, the weaknesses and learn to use it to your advantage.

I totally agree that a certain amount of aggressiveness is much better than meekness when it comes to self defense. But “being on PMS”, acting like a “bitch” only works on certain types of social violence. Acting like a bitch may actually make you a more likely target for more serious types of violence. Being emotional is a poor place to start from to defend yourself.
It prevents you from having a clear, cool level head. It is like walking around with blinders on, only seeing what you want to see not what is really happening. When it’s time to defend yourself, the last thing you need is blinders

Being a bitch will never be as strong as having true knowledge. Knowledge gained through quality training and life experience creates competence. Competence breeds confidence. Actual hard earned confidence sends off much better “don’t mess with me” signals than pretending to be a bitch ever could, and its real, not poser bullshit.
What knowledge do you need? You need to understand what violence is, where it comes from, how it shows its ugly head, how to avoid it, and finally how to deal with it if every other step that has been taken to prevent it and has failed. You need to know who you are, what your strengths are, what our weaknesses are. What environment are you in? What possible situations can you encounter?
Acting like a “bitch” will possibly just make you look like you are picking a fight instead of avoiding one. What are you truly seeking here: looking cool, tough, in charge, like no one can boss you around, or staying safe?
If you are trying to salvage your self esteem form the garbage disposal, go to therapy, go take some self improvement seminar but DON’T I repeat DON’T pick a fight to prove your worth.
· Being assertive does not equate being aggressive
· Being tough does not equate being mean
· Being strong does not equate being hurtful
· Being a bitch does not come close to true confidence
"Nothing is so strong as gentleness. Nothing is so gentle as real strength." - Frances de Sales


  1. Can I make a pitch here for Rory Miller's Logic of Violence class? It does a great job of walking students through understanding how different types of violence affect different types of targets, and how to use the most appropriate actions to avoid (or, worst case, respond to) violence. I highly, highly recommend it for everyone who practices martial arts. Or who doesn't.

  2. Yes you can. Love Rory!!!
    I gather you took his class Irene?
    That was the basis of my point actually ;-)
    Understand violence and understand enough to
    de-escalate yourself instead of going into a bitchy frenzy
    Thanks for the comment