DEALING WITH EMOTIONAL ABUSE

People can hurt you physically without your consent. But you have to give them permission to hurt you emotionally. If someone is trying to hurt you emotionally, there are 4 ways to respond to it:

1. “I am hurt, he is right I am so _________” (fill in the blank)
2. “I am so angry at him for daring to do/say this to me.”
3. “He is not worth my time.”
4. “You know this sting but he is right. This is a flaw I have. I should work on this”


#1. This will bring feelings of unworthiness. You have locked your mind. You probably do not realize this is an issue with you but still you are clinging to it, you are hiding behind it, using it a shield. It may be because you have no idea how to deal with it or because it is too large of a task.

#2. If you got this angry, he has apparently touched a nerve. This is a serious issue with you and it consciously or unconsciously bothers you. It may stem from a much deeper issue. This is something you would like changed in you but either you do not know how or you do not want to go through the hard work of changing it. You will make him wrong or demean him to make yourself right, to feel better about not changing. The level of anger it produced is proportional to the level of importance you attach to the problem.

#3. This is a much healthier choice. You are recognizing the person for an emotional abuser and refuse to yield to him.

#4. You have a true healthy positive outlook on yourself. You are able to see the good and bad and you are not afraid to work on the issues that need to be addressed.

Of course there can be a mixture of 1, 2, 3 and 4 combine together in some degree. Evaluate which one dominates the most.
When you squeeze an orange, you get orange juice. When someone applies pressure to you, what do you have? This is a great insight into the mind.

PEACE IS A CHOICE

Peace is a choice. The only people who can truly have Peace are those who have the capability to make that choice. If you are completely at the mercy of others, you will never be able to determine the course of an encounter, then they choose for you…. Peace or war. This goes for violent encounters, business or life decisions as well. All good training can be applied to life. But since this is a self defense site we will focus on self defense. The first basic concept in good self defense is to take control of your opponent’s center (physical or spirit). You need to control this from the beginning. Once you do control it, you have the power of choice: to injure or protect your attacker…. Peace or War…. Only when you have this control can you truly choose peace. So train well then you can choose peace

Bettering yourself?

There is only 2 people you need to better than: the guy who is thinking about attacking you and who you were yesterday.

If I am walking with two other men, each of them will serve as my teacher. I will pick out the good points of the one and imitate them, and the bad points of the other and correct them in myself.
-Confucius

FACT OR REALITY

Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are.”
- Norman Vincent Peale
We have so many ingrained notions, things we should do, things we should not do, things we can’t do, ways we should behave. Some of those are good from a social point of view. But how many of those are creating hurdles and walls in our lives. Are you letting your attacker win before he even attacks you?
Start thinking outside of the box.
What “fact” are you letting win over yourself?

SURVEY... thank you for taking time

SURVEY
AGE: ______

Please send your results back to Lise.artlover@gmail.com Jst cut and paste, fill in and end. Very easy.

I am doing a compilation of women’s concerns, worries and issues regarding self defense, self protection and general welfare. We are reviewing our training to make sure it fits toward today’s needs and wants. In order to do so I am conducting a short survey. No names are necessary unless you wish to do so. Personal information will be kept confidential and will NOT be shared with anyone. Just mention your age since this variable is very relevant. Please take a few minutes to help me help you better. Feel free to pass this survey out to your friends and relative as we are trying to get the widest perspective possible. If you find some questions too difficult to answer, just skip and fill out the rest. I would rather have a partial survey and than none at all.
When you have completed the survey you can either email it or snail mail it.
Thank you very much for your time and help in this matter. I truly appreciate it.
Please take time to help other women.


1. Do you feel threatened in your daily life/ activities? ______________
2. Are you concerns with break ins?______________________________
3. Are you concerns with your work place? ________________________
4. What type of work, outside of the home, do you do? _________________
5. Are you concerned that certain friends you have may hurt you (physically or emotionally)?__________________________________________
6. Are you concerned that certain relatives you have may hurt you (physically or emotionally)?_______________________________________________
7. Do you frequently go to establishments where drinking is permitted (bars, clubs, etc) ? ___________________________________________________
8. Are you concerned about date rape? _____________________________
9. Have you ever been attacked or assaulted? _________________________
10. If yes to the last question, are you concerned it will happen again? ______
11. Have you ever been subjected to a violent crime? ____________________
12. If yes to the last question, were you injured in the process? ____________
13. Did you ever experience a criminal pretending to be a delivery person or repairman or such? ___________________________________________
14. If yes to the last question, did you fall prey to them? __________________
15. Have you been subjected to domestic violence or abuse? ____________
16. Do you know anyone who has been subjected to a violent crime? _______
17. If yes to the last question, did it affect your view on your personal safety and if so how? _____________________________________________
18. Where do you live: city suburb country
19. Are you concerned with traveling? ______________________________
20. Do you travel outside of the country? ____________________________
21. Have you ever been stalked? ___________________________________
22. If yes to the last question, how did it end? ________________________

On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate the followings concerns:
• Being “pawed” in a bar or at a party 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Someone jumping out of the dark to attack you 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Carjacking 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Having your purse stolen out of your hands 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Someone breaking in your house while you are sleeping
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• If you have children, concerns about their safety 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being raped 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Innapropriate sexual conduct toward you 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being hurt during a violent crime 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Losing material possessions 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being emotionally abused 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being held at gun point 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being held at knife point 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being shot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Someone beating you up badly 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being attacked by another woman 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being attacked by a group of people 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being abducted 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being stuck in a violent relationship 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Racial crime 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
• Being stalked 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10


COMMENTS: (anything that would cover violence or criminal attack or behavior that you are concerned about of have experienced. Details will be kept confidential. Use more paper if necessary.)