It’s not personal, it’s business

It’s not personal, it’s business?? Maybe not entirely true. Everything is personal because our frame of reference comes from our own experiences. We attach emotions to our experiences. Words, sounds, smell can trigger something deep inside of us that we are not even conscious of its existence. This influences our perception of everything we see, hear, think or do. That is the reason why one statement may leave you cold and at the same time totally inflame the person next to you.
Deep at our roots all human beings are selfish creatures. Everything we do is related to us, our individual needs or wants. And these “wants or needs” are influenced by the frame of reference we just discussed. Even when we unselfishly do something for others, a good deed, it still can be a selfish act. You do it because it makes you feel good, because you get something out of it: you get to be happier, to live in a happier world, it’ll make someone like you. Is this bad? Good? It just is. The first requirement for a human being is survival. If we cannot think of our welfare, we cannot survive. We can’t be good to anyone if we are dead. Survival is deeply ingrained into our beings.
This “selfishness” can be present in varying tones and degree in people. So what is the line between “healthy” selfish and “pathogenic” selfish? First I would have to say, do no harm with your actions or words. Next, try to leave the world a better place.

Relating this to self defense, the person that will attack you, wants something. Either something you have (money, car, things, information, etc), something you can give him (sexual release, a sense of “I can do this” in front of his buddies, a sense of accomplishment, validation of his own worth, etc). It not just about the fact that he wants to hurt you, he doesn’t care how you feel or what you think. He cares about what he wants. Knowing what someone wants from you will make “communication” that much easier.

Teaching a self defense class to a grl scout troop. They were awesome. They listened well and worked hard.

“We all boil at different degree.”

What’s your boiling temperature? What does it take to make steam come out of your ears?Do you really know yourself?If you do you will not only know what it takes to make you “boil” but what it takes to cool you down. When you know yourself this well, it will make it that much easier to control yourself. A controlled person will be able to recognize that another has reached their boiling point. You cannot attempt to calm someone without yourself being in full control. And helping someone to get back in control is the safest way to stay out of a physical conflict. In a physical conflict you rarely have a winner. And you don’t want to take the chance to find out if this is true or not. If you need to prove yourself something, join a gym or a dojo. That’s a safe place to “die”.
Meanwhile get busy knowing and controlling thyself.

Are you on the right path?

So you know where you want to go, you know who you want to be. Are you walking the right path or just wandering around hoping to accidently stumble upon it?Because you love to eat, that does not make you a gourmet chef. Because you read one book, it does not make you an expert on the subject. Because you are in great shape, it doesn’t make you a great martial artist. Because you are a great martial artist, it doesn’t make you good at “street fighting”. You want to achieve a goal, find out what the proper steps are, find good teachers/ counseling and go for it. But never delude yourself of thinking that just because you dreamt it, it’s already yours. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, if it was everyone would do it. Tough it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the ride there. Have fun with whatever you are doing.

There are no rules to this game

Hell, there are no rules here - we're trying to accomplish something-
-Thomas A. Edison

That's the spirit you need to posses when it comes time to physically defend yourself. Think your attacker has rules?? Ethics? Moral values? You have to play like he does.
Ever played Chutes and Ladder with a child who is convinced that it's perfectly OK to go up the chute if it makes him win the game? This is the spirit you need to have. Save the "nice" and the "compassion" for yourself and your family. Think outside of the "I need to be nice to people" box that women have been taught to live in since forever. Do whatever you need to do to go home alive!!!!

Decision Time

Before you start thinking about defending yourself you need to find what are your limits, how far are you willing to go for protect yourself, where is that line that people will cross that will make you angry enough to need to fight back (notice I did not say “want to fight back” because that can actually be 2 different things, your perception and the reality of it). If you don't know what the line is you will never know when to make people stop in time. In a big city, if there were no stop signs and no traffic lights, driving would be very hazardous to your health. Well so are not having any boundaries.
If you don't choose your values right now, today, somebody is going to choose them for you. You might not like what their choices are so you need to take a few minutes and decide where is the line that people can't cross. What are the things people will do that will immediately trigger your fighter instinct. As women we have been programmed since forever to be nice, not fight back. Society since the caveman has worked in a way where men will protect and be the aggressive ones. This is still wired into our brain. Nothing wrong with any of this. But we need to see it for what it is and understand why we do the things we do. You also have need to survive that should supersede every other needs.
So DECIDE TODAY where and when you need to fight back and what you are willing/ capable of doing to do so. If you wait to decide when you are confronted with a situation, I guarantee you will freeze. You might make the right or wrong decision at that time but are you willing to bet your life on it???
For me that line is crossed wherever someone is trying to hurt me (of hurt my loved ones). Where is yours???

NO means NO

A soft refusal is not always taken, but a rude one is immediately believed.
-Alexander Chase

If you are going to say "NO".. and you should say it immediately if your gut feeling is telling you to... than say "NO" in a way that let's the recipient understand that you truly mean "NO". Confusion and doubt, weak shaky "maybes", should be thrown out the window. Sometimes it's time to be a biotch
And seriously worry about the guys who will not take no for an answer. They are the dangerous one.