It’s not personal, it’s business

It’s not personal, it’s business?? Maybe not entirely true. Everything is personal because our frame of reference comes from our own experiences. We attach emotions to our experiences. Words, sounds, smell can trigger something deep inside of us that we are not even conscious of its existence. This influences our perception of everything we see, hear, think or do. That is the reason why one statement may leave you cold and at the same time totally inflame the person next to you.
Deep at our roots all human beings are selfish creatures. Everything we do is related to us, our individual needs or wants. And these “wants or needs” are influenced by the frame of reference we just discussed. Even when we unselfishly do something for others, a good deed, it still can be a selfish act. You do it because it makes you feel good, because you get something out of it: you get to be happier, to live in a happier world, it’ll make someone like you. Is this bad? Good? It just is. The first requirement for a human being is survival. If we cannot think of our welfare, we cannot survive. We can’t be good to anyone if we are dead. Survival is deeply ingrained into our beings.
This “selfishness” can be present in varying tones and degree in people. So what is the line between “healthy” selfish and “pathogenic” selfish? First I would have to say, do no harm with your actions or words. Next, try to leave the world a better place.

Relating this to self defense, the person that will attack you, wants something. Either something you have (money, car, things, information, etc), something you can give him (sexual release, a sense of “I can do this” in front of his buddies, a sense of accomplishment, validation of his own worth, etc). It not just about the fact that he wants to hurt you, he doesn’t care how you feel or what you think. He cares about what he wants. Knowing what someone wants from you will make “communication” that much easier.