Train to choose your actions

This is a follow up to my last post (State of awareness). It was brought to my attention (thanks Marc for all your help, and thanks Josh for speaking up) that I was missing a great teaching point. I had used that particular example because paying attention to what and who is around you is very very important.

The point I was missing is that the behavior of the lady in question was not about not paying attention. She was very aware of what she was doing. She was covert aggressive, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, a bully pretending to be clueless.

First of all let’s look at it from her standpoint. Acting like this is a behavior that will attract anger and yes, violence against you. So if you are looking for personal safety, you may want to choose a behavior that is not going to make people want to stuff you in the meat locker. Violence happens in places and also in situations.

The other point of view is the receiving end. You have to realize that this behavior is the same of a bully. What is a bully? It is a person who forces his or her way aggressively or by intimidation, someone who forces you to do what they want. This is exactly what she did. She was forcing people to get out of her way and give her priority. If one does this accidently once or twice, it is not necessarily being a bully. It could be inattention. But this lady did this consistently throughout her entire shopping trip.

Most women are born with the “be polite gene”. We have been known to apologize for things we should never apologize for, for excusing behaviors that should be condemned. If you don’t believe this read “Betrayed by the Angel” by Debra Anne Davis

http://www.utne.com/2005-01-01/betrayed-by-the-angel.aspx?page=2

You need to recognize this behavior as that of a bully. If you learn to give in to a bully at this level, you will have trained your mind to give in to bullying period. When a big guy comes around and tries to intimidate you into getting into his car, or trying to get into your home, you will give in because that is what you trained yourself to do.

“We do not rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our training.”

-Archilochus, Greek Soldier, Poet, c. 650 BC

So how do you stand up to this? First you need to see this behavior, not as powerful but as an act of selfishness and weakness. Instead of stirring anger this should stir pity and maybe even disgust. You need to see that be best power you have over this situation is choosing to have self control. But you “chose” this action it was not forced upon you. And yes, self control IS an action. Throwing canned goods and eggs, yelling and screaming at her are also actions, much less appropriate though. The most important part is that you are recognizing the fact that someone is trying to bully you and you are choosing self control. You are not forced into passivity. Self control is a very active response. It carries through body language, facial language. It has that stage presence we talked about a while back. You are basically sending the vibes of “I am aware of what you are doing and if you don’t stop I am prepare to carry it to a whole other dimension”. If you get used to choosing your responses, when someone is trying to attack you, kidnap you, come into your home uninvited, you will be trained to chose the proper response and not wait for someone to choose it for you. First of all an attacker will know you are not a weak prey; it’s their job to know this. They will probably move to another more appropriate prey. If they still choose to attack you will be a better position to defend yourself, you will be prepared not one step behind.

This is still working on awareness, awareness of behavior and proper choices.

” If you don't become aware of small decisions that direct your actions you won't be able to see when you're drifting into dangerous territory. And this means not only with self-defense, but jobs, our relationships, marriage and with your kids. Looking at the rude bitch and saying to yourself "I know what you are doing and choose not to react. Not because I'm scared, but because you aren't worth it"”

-Marc MacYoung

STATE OF AWARENESS

I was at the grocery store the other day getting the supplies for a proper Thanksgiving feast. Going through the aisles gathering all the items on the list, I came across a lady who apparently was extremely intent on her shopping trip. So intent was she that she “drove” 3 people out of their intended course and straight into canned goods, and yet she noticed nothing. She was looking for something, going forward, pulling back, moving forward again, then speeding in another direction, meanwhile leaving a trail of angry people waiting to get through or side stepping to avoid getting run over. I followed her for a while out of pure curiosity and astonishment. She was completely clueless of what she was doing. Talk about NOT being aware of your surroundings. I could have easily stolen her purse, picked her pockets clean, or attack her without her even noticing before it was too late to do any damage control. I don’t think she would have noticed being stabbed until she reached her car!!!

OK, I totally understand being very focused and intent on getting a job done. But she was in a public place, surrounded by people she did not know!!! Being this blatantly unaware of the world around her is not something she could/would have been able to turn on and off. This complete disregard of your surrounding is a habit. A habit is something you fall back onto without thinking or when you are tired or when you are pre-occupied.

If you are going to be in a public place you need to raise your level of awareness and keep it raised the entire time. If you get used to being in what you think of as “safe places” and not pay attention, this is what you will revert to when you go to any public locations. A familiar place does not necessarily equate a safe place. And what makes you think that the grocery store is a safe place anyway? Just because nothing has ever happened to you before does not mean that you will not get your purse/wallet stolen? Do you know how easy you are making it for people to help themselves to your belongings? Why not just put a welcome mat or just hand them your money? The number one place women are abducted from or attacked is grocery store parking lots.

You need to make a habit of raising your level of awareness wherever you go. I am not talking about being paranoid and afraid of everything around you but about knowing who and what’s around you. Predators are professionals, they WILL notice when you pay attention. They are looking for a much more clueless victim, one they can take by surprise.

Make it a game if you need to in the beginning. Play spy. Pretend you are on a mission and take mental notes. See what’s out of place, out of the ordinary. Just a quick glance up and down is all you need to let a professional know that you are on to him. Check for hands, the possible bulge of a hidden weapon, for unusual behavior. Do this for 21 days and it will become a habit.

Take your safety into your own hands and teach your children to do the same.

Here is a real story of grocery store parking lot.

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/local&id=5975923

But again, like I previously said, don’t be paranoid, be alert.

Prevention or damage control?

Early morning in Minnesota. Nothing like it to dish out a dose of reality sometimes. I woke up way too early for a Sunday morning. The dog had to go, you can’t argue with that. I am going out to grab the leash and unbeknownst to me it had apparently rained all night (yeah maybe I should watch the news, at least the weather once in a while). My covered porch was apparently covered in a very thin layer of ice. Yup you guessed, I took one step and went flying. I am very grateful for my falling down skills, it kept me from a serious injury. But I should have been more grateful my “paying attention to my surrounding” skills. The number one key to good self protection is to always make sure your surroundings are secure. Now a driveway, a road I would have checked before driving or walking onto it. But my covered porch?? Really?? So it rained sideways. Assuming is the mother of many a mistake. Assuming the environment is safe, assuming no one finds violence as disgusting as you do, assuming you are going to be able to react fast enough to defend yourself.

How many of you could close your eyes right now and describe what’s within 20 feet of you?

Like grandpa used to say “An ounce of prevention IS worth a pound of cure”. Had I paid attention and notice a light glare on the roads, I would have stepped much more carefully and would not have had to rely on falling down skills and my husband’s healing chiropractic skills. You should always know what’s around you, what you are about to walk into or through, the environment, the people. Take notice. It may save you a lot of pain or headaches in the future. It is much easier to take a few extra minutes to prevent bad things from happening then to not pay attention and have to do damage control afterward.

Now I have a date with an ice pack. Enjoy your Sunday. Peace out

Tip Of The Day

If you want to practice your self defense skills, put yourself in a situation where you need to use them. On the other hand if you enjoy safety, stay away from trouble.
It's one of the laws of nature that the stupid usually remove themselves from the gene pool.

You don't need legs to stand up for what is right

Tip Of The Day

When going through airport customs and you are asked "do you have any firearms with you?" do not reply "what do you need?"